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The difficulty would be limiting it to one a year. I think ten would be more realistic.

The best fart I ever dropped was on holiday. At dinner time I had beef cooked in Woodford's ale. Plus a pint or two of the same beer. In the middle of the night, I let one go. I thought it smelled foul and my missus was not happy. But the best comment was from our greyhound, who got up, gave me...

Oh Jurgen, Jurgen Klopp, He has hit the buffer stops, How can Liverpool be what it was before? They called him good as Pep, But he wasn’t, was he heck, And he’ll never walk down Lime Street anymore. (Maggie May - folk version, not Rod Stewart.)

This hit my missus as she used to run an almost permanent overdraft and was paying ludicrous amounts in interest. They suggested she take out a personal loan instead. She did, and, amazingly, it turned things around and she is never in overdraft anymore. Mind you, I think she has become a lot...

Blair ran a very tight ship in terms of 'message' but I'm not sure whether that was the start of it. It is our fault as voters. Voters have consistently demonstrated that they dislike what they perceive as a disunited party. And our stupid voting system means that both Tory and Labour parties...

It's well known that the Daily Mail, for example, is a Tory paper. The Guardian is essentially a Liberal paper that dislikes full-on socialism but is relatively left-wing. The problem is really when someone pretends to be unbiased. That is almost impossible as we all have biases and prejudices...

Yes. The Great Central Railway was big on innovative publicity. It would not surprise me if they slipped Meredith a few bob for the implied endorsement.

St George is so 14th Century. I think before him we had St Edmund the Martyr or St Edward the Confessor. I can never remember which. But both were English and their remains can be venerated here by anyone so inclined. St Edmund (bits of him) are at Arundel and Douai Abbey, Berks. While the...

The argument used to be put that we had a St Patrick's Day Parade, why did we not have a St George's Day Parade? I am not entirely out of sympathy with this, but the truth is that most English people aren't interested. You might as well ask why we don't have an English Madonna of the Rosary...

People talk about Burnham as if he's the Fuhrer. He's actually under the effective control of the elected leaders of the 10 Greater Manchester Councils, who together form the Greater Manchester Combined Authority. If you get rid of his post, you will just get one of these in charge instead...

Just as the really hard lads don't tell you they are hard, the really patriotic don't call themselves patriots. 'Standing as I do in view of God and Eternity, I realise that patriotism is not enough, I must have no hatred or bitterness towards anyone.' Nurse Edith Cavell, the night before her...

It's almost having 'austerity' for over a decade and slashing budgets to ribbons has an effect. Fancy that!

The CPGB (ML) are mad as hatters. Like all the other Communists, they supported Brexit. No further evidence, m'lud.

Something must be done. This is something. Let's do that. Rarely will you see a better example of this process. It astounds me how people attach themselves to such policies that - apart from any question of humanitarianism - simply will not work. It would probably be just as effective to fine...

You mentioned Germany and Italy, not me, and asked whether they should change their flags. As it happens, they did. If you want a flag to be our symbol, it has to unite us all. A flag that is seen as divisive (in some quarters) will require work. You cannot compel, you have to persuade...

I think you'll find that Germany no longer uses the Swastika on a red background as its national flag, and Italy no longer has the fascist symbol on its flag. The only argument for changing the UJ is that it does not represent Wales. We could add a dragon. However, I still say it needs to be...

They need to be 'reclaimed' from the far right. That may take some time. Sadly, there is still a strong association between passion for the flag and far-right views.