24 - Jack Is Back

scowy68 said:
I bet he doesn't get killed.
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Never seen. You do know how hard Jack Bauer is, don't you?

The dead sea scrolls explicitly show the Holy Grail to be located inside Jack Bauer's pants.
Jack Bauer, the one man on earth who never takes a leak, has a meal or takes a nap on any given day.
Jack has Never Taken a Leak in the entire Show.
Jack grew up without any parents, siblings or pets, he was self taught the ancient arts of war by Genghis Khan who then left Jack for dead when he started speaking. ...Jack's still alive.
Jack Bauer lost a game of Baccarat to James Bond. Jack tortured Bond until he pissed his pants and gave Jack's money back. For good measure, Jack pissed in his dry martini, keyed his car, stole his woman and nuked London. Fuck Baccarat.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Jack Bauer makes Chuck Norris cry so that his tears will cure cancer. No one else can make Chuck Norris cry.
Chuck Norris originally made anyone handicapped who parked in a handicapped spot. Jack Bauer came along and killed Chuck Norris and will kill anyone who parks in a handicapped spot.
Ray Charles only came away with blindness after Jack Bauer shot him in the face, nobody tells Jack to "Hit The Road Jack."
In the midst of war between the Titans and the Olympian Gods, Jack Bauer captured Atlas and forced him to hold up the world until he told him who was plotting against Zeus. After Atlas cracked, Jack rushed off to inform Zeus and on his way out said, "Don't move until I get back." Atlas is still waiting for Jack to get back. It is also a well known fact that earthquakes are caused by Atlas shaking with fear when he thinks Jack is coming back.
Jack Bauer once survived a nuclear explosion that was detonated less than 14 miles away.
Jack Bauer doesn't wash his clothes. He tortures them until they're clean.
Jack Bauer is the real Fifth Element.
Jack Bauer's duffle bag has enough weapons to take out a former Soviet bloc country.
Jack Bauer knows where Atlantis is because he sunk it
Only reason Chuck Norris is alive is because Jack Bauer needs someone to make fun of because GOD got boring to make fun of
Jack Bauer takes round house kicks to the face from Chuck Norris for dinner
Jack Bauer once played russian roulette with a fully loaded uzi, or coarse he won
Chuck Norris is Jack Bauers personal toilet
Jack Bauer's poker face is so good he once won a game of poker with monopoly money, an eight card from uno, a joker, a visa card, a tissue, and an iPod nano.
Jack Bauer once played Lance Armstrong and Chuck Norris in a "who has the most testacles contest". He beat them both by a combined total of 46
Chuck Norris did not beat a brick wall in tennis because the wall is Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer is the only person in the world to win a game of connect four in two moves
Jack Bauer has had sex with every woman in the world, including Chuck Norris.
It takes Jack Bauer 13 minutes to watch 60 minutes
Jack Bauer personally trained the trainers of both the Special Air Service and the Office of Strategic Services during the Second World War. After the initial training, which abruptly ended in 1940, Bauer spent the remainder of the war in Germany, not hunting, but toying with Hitler. The suitcase bomb was a practical joke. On a related note, Jack Bauer is the real reason that there is no trace of Adolf's body.
Scientists recently uncovered the real reason dinosaurs are extinct: Jack Bauer received an anonymous tip that dinosaurs are terrorists.
Everytime jack bauer smiles, a terrorist loses his balls
Jack Bauer is the only man to call John McCain a pussy and live to tell about it.
Jack Bauer's so hard that he once got bitten by a vampire and staked himself. He's so convincing that he talked God into resurrecting him.
Bullets don't kill Jack Bauer because they're afraid to.
The dodo bird once pissed off Jack Bauer...
Jack Bauer stays up all night. Now vampires don't come out at all.
Jack and Nina actually had a kid. A book was written about him called 'Revelations'
Lemmings think Jack Bauer's behind them
Zombies only run when chased by Jack Bauer
Up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, select, start is a result of Jack Bauer torturing Contra for information.
The only reason you're conscious right now is because Jack Bauer doesn't want to carry you.
Jack Bauer once bit a zombie. It turned into Tony Almeida
Jack Bauer pees fire and shits snow balls.
Jack Bauer wrote the Bible. That's why its so violent.
Jack Bauer only uses a gun to kill terrorist as a courtesy to those who would have to clean up the mess associated with him using his hands.
Jack Bauer isnt a herion addict, herion gets it's rush from doing some Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer's only true friend is Al Bundy
Jack bauer is so hard, even a state excecution wouldn't kill him
If Cloe and Edgar ever had a child Jack would face his most annoying nemesis yet!
In the hour after the last episode of the 1st season a tiny Bauer Baby shoots its way out of Teri's stomach and rescues a bus full of school children.
Jack Bauer once assisted in the bombing of CTU, not because he had to keep his cover but because he grew tired of bullshit protocols. Damnit Jack your a loose canon.
Jack Bauer once pissed in Tony's Cubs mug, this granted Tony magical powers that allowed him to be come back to life after being shot in the neck, and blown up by a bomb.
Jack Bauer could have survived the nuclear blast, but decided that he had enough of Mason and wanted him to die.
In the morning, Jack Bauer doesn't shave, he must kick himself in the face repeatedly. Jack bauer is the only thing hard enough to cut Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer is not hung like a horse, a horse is hung like Jack Bauer.
Jack only dies when there are no more terrorists in this world, but since that's not gonna happen, he lives forever!!
Chuck Norris drives a Dodge Ram. Jack Bauer drives whatever the hell he wants.
Jack bauer named his cat chuck Norris because its a pussy
Jack Bauer is to cowardice as Chloe is to personality.
It would only take 1 bullet for Jack Bauer to kill 50 Cent.
There were originally five horsemen of the apocalypse. Jack Bauer said he would travel by foot.
People have begun to play a drinking game called "Bauer Hour", where you take a shot of Jack Daniels every time Jack kills someone. One person usually goes through 3 bottles an episode.
If Bush really wanted the war in Iraq to end he would just send over Jack Bauer. Nuff said!
Jack Bauer's last meal was on the California Presidential Primary in 2000. Now he gets his nourishment straight from the sun....like Superman.
Jack Bauer is not part of CTU. Jack Bauer is part of Walt Cummings' worst nightmare.
Jack Bauer performs more frontal lobe labotomies than the American Medical Association.
Jack Bauer uses a live rattlesnake as a condom.
Jack Bauer, from the Latin 'Baur', meaning "to rend the flesh while smiling."
Jack Bauer doesn't cut his grass, he stares at it and dares it to grow.
Jack Bauer does NOT get taken into custody.
Jack Bauer invented the word "Damnit".
Jack Bauer is responsible for the phrase "Please don't kill me"
E= mc2 - Jack Bauer = A whole lot of trouble!
Jack Bauer is what keeps Morgues and Coffin Makers in Business.
Every empire owes its existence AND destruction to Jack Bauer.
The dinosaurs rolled out 65 million years ago cause they heard Jack Bauer was coming.
Jack Bauer killed Latin.
Jack Bauer Express. When you absolutely, positively have to kill every terrorist overnight.
Jack Bauer redefines the word kill-a-ton.
Jack Bauer is the last surviving son of Planet Whoop Ass.
Chuck Norris told Jack Bauer that he only killed 15 people cause he ran out of bullets. Jack told him he only killed 93 people cause he ran out of people. Then Jack snapped Chuck Norris' neck into 24 pieces.
Jack Bauer is the reason Osama's still hiding.... but not for long.
The Grim Reaper calls Jack Bauer for advice.
Jack Bauer has killed more people than AIDS.
Jack Bauer has a higher body count than Hitler.
Jack Bauer only own 5 outfits. Fox is gonna be screwed if there's a 6th season.
When the boogey man gets scared its cause he thinks Jack Bauer is hiding in his closet
Jack Bauer is 1/16 Cherokee, not because of his ancestors but because he fuckin ate Chuck Norris, who ate an indian
Jack Bauer had a staring contest with Chuck Norris. Norris got so frightened, he shit his pants, lost 200 pounds, and his beard fell off
It doesnt take 24 hours for Jack Bauer to foil Terrorist Plots, He is just toying with them.
It doesn't take any licks for Jack Bauer to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Jack Bauer simply shoots the shell off.
When Jack Bauer coughs, all terrorists in the world are stricken with fear.
Jack Bauer remembers everything after getting flashed by the Men In Black.
Snape did not kill Dumbledore, Jack Bauer Did.
If someone tells you that you "Don't Know Jack", you're better off believing them... because if you really did know Jack, he'd probably kill you.
When Jack Bauer goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. Thats why there's no life on Mars.
A "Bauer movement" is when you shit your pants after Jack Bauer shows up at your door.
The only correct answer to the question, "Who's your daddy?" is "Jack Bauer". No matter who you are.
While in college, Jack was hit on by a girl he knew already had a boyfriend. She made her move, and he smashed her face into a glass coffee-table. Nobody fucks around with Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer was a major reason why David Palmer was elected President. Not just because he saved Palmer's life several times during the California primary, he accompanied Palmer on campaign trips and glared at voters, scaring them into voting for his man.
When Jack Bauer masturbates, God kills a whole species of cat.
God rested on the 7th day. Jack Bauer will be spending his 7th day working his usual triple shift without sleep. Lazy ass God.
Jack Bauer parts LA traffic with his enormous penis. That's why he can reach anywhere in the city in the span of a commercial break.
That cougar that stalked Kim was actually Jack Bauer's pet cat. Jack used his Beastmaster powers to keep an eye on Kim and to keep her in line through fear.
Jack Bauer named his cat 'Chuck Norris.' Why? Because he's a pussy.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
If Fox ever made a "24" movie, Jack Bauer would take down the entire Russian mafia, liberate Cuba, and kill Osama Bin Laden in his spare time. That would be BEFORE the intermission.
Jack Bauer's mornings usually start with a trip down his slip-and-slide lined with razor blades followed by a dip in a his pool filled with rubbing alcohol. He likes to dry off with a towel made from sandpaper.
Jack Bauer was actually named after the verb of the same name; i.e. to Jack Bauer someone's ass.
On his days off from CTU Jack Bauer helps old ladies cross the road. He does this by staring at oncoming cars. On the freeway.
Fox initially wanted to call the show "Jack Bauer: Terrorist Hunter". Jack said "Fuck you. What happens when I kill all the terrorists?" "Well, we cancel the show." Jack quickly snapped the exec's neck into 24 peices. Hence the name, 24.
In high school, Jack Bauer got a job working as a department store Santa. He was fired after he tortured a child to tell him her Christmas list.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
Jack Bauer once told God he needed access, the event has since been referred to as "The Big Bang."
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
If Jack says "I just want to talk to him/her" and that him/her is you... well amigo, you're fucked.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
Jack Bauer's mom asked him who he loved more, her or his country. To this Jack chuckled and responded, "You know that answer" as he snapped her neck. Jack Bauer hates dumb people.
The real reason Jack Bauer was fired from CTU was his massive cell phone bill.
Every time you maturbate Jack Bauer kills a terrorist. Not beacuase you masurbated, but because that is how often he kills terrorists.
Jack Bauer would kick the fuck out of Chuck Norris, his roundhouse kicks, and his beard
Jack Bauer wears aviator sunglasses as a courtesy to the Sun so it doesn't have to look
 
i cant wait for this. apparently its just a inbetweener for series 6 and 7.
 
deco said:
i cant wait for this. apparently its just a inbetweener for series 6 and 7.
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Yep because of the writers strike and the delay in series 7 they've made this which gives us a build up to series 7. I can't wait for it either, should be class
 
forevercity said:
how many eps are in this series of 24? it cant be 24 if its a go between 6 and 7?
Click to expand...


yes mate there are 24 episodes each series. but this is a 2 hour spin off i think.
 
forevercity said:
how many eps are in this series of 24? it cant be 24 if its a go between 6 and 7?
Click to expand...

In series 7 there will be 24 shows, tonights show is a one off episode for two hours that leads up to series 7
 
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