Care home - financial advice

[ob]

Thanks everyone, my partner due to speak to manager of current care home today. We are hoping that her mum can be moved to a non covid floor of same home. Her mum isn't eating or drinking and may potentially have to go back into hospital again. Just seems never ending for months now, stumbling from one week to next.

 

[ob]

Morning update, good news my partner's father allowed to visit today for first time since Boxing Day (if he has negative test) and my partner can visit tomorrow. Crap part is first thing he needs to do is hand over a letter informing his wife of over 40 years she's been written out of his will. She won't even know but it needs to be done. Life in all it's wonderful glory can be so so cruel at times

 

[hammocity]

I gave up work to care for my parents. Initially I had an independent annex built on my house and had planned to give them a week's respite each month. My mum, who cared for my dad, passed 5 years since (during the Thursday Night Derby in 2017) and I quickly made the decision to move Dad across from Stockport to Lincoln and sell his house later once I'd got POA in place. It's bloody hard work as he is invalid and has dementia but his physical health has improved due to the care I've provided. I'm not certain that given foresight I would have committed to this but once you are in you are in. I've had to gradually use the funds from the house sale as you cannot live for nothing! How long it goes on for I have no idea but it's currently over 3 years solid since I have had a single day off (no exaggeration at all) and that's both a physical and mental killer. Incredibly we all just had Covid and it was my dad that had least in the way of symptoms. I keep cracking the joke that I'll have to give him details of my funeral soon as it feels like even money whether he'll outlive me!

I take my hat off to you and all other carers. I’m 62 and an unpaid part time carer for my 89 year old Dad, I still work as well but my health and wellbeing is now becoming affected. I’ve not had any real mental issues over my life but since mid forties I have suffered from panic attacks on a very infrequent basis. However, recently tbey have become more pronounced and regular. I can only put it down to the stress I have looking after my Dad who since Covid hardly goes out and is becoming more demanding by the day.

A bit like you Usfans I feel like theres a very good chance I’ll go before my Dad, I take medication for heart arrhythmia and due to Covid I’ve not had my usual monitoring of the ticker so anything could be happening especially when I get the panic attacks.

 

[mancityvstoke]

I take my hat off to you and all other carers. I’m 62 and an unpaid part time carer for my 89 year old Dad, I still work as well but my health and wellbeing is now becoming affected. I’ve not had any real mental issues over my life but since mid forties I have suffered from panic attacks on a very infrequent basis. However, recently tbey have become more pronounced and regular. I can only put it down to the stress I have looking after my Dad who since Covid hardly goes out and is becoming more demanding by the day.

A bit like you Usfans I feel like theres a very good chance I’ll go before my Dad, I take medication for heart arrhythmia and due to Covid I’ve not had my usual monitoring of the ticker so anything could be happening especially when I get the panic attacks.

Get some urgent respite mate or rethink your role. get family help if it's available. I went through 5 years of this and it made me very poorly. I had no family to help so it's difficult I know.

 

[hammocity]

Get some urgent respite mate or rethink your role. get family help if it's available. I went through 5 years of this and it made me very poorly. I had no family to help so it's difficult I know.

Thanks, its only when you read a thread like this you realise how many people are dealing with older family members and all it entails. Im going to get an appointment with my Doctor to let him know about my panic attacks. I’ve been getting progressively worse, three years now, like you 5 years and i will be struggling.

 

[denislawsbackheel]

I’m sure most people who are carers for ill or disabled love ones know about carers allowance.
But just in case…

Carer's Allowance

Apply for Carer's Allowance - money to help you look after someone who needs to be cared for. Apply online or use form DS700.

www.gov.uk

if you qualify for carers allowance you also get NI credits towards your state pension.

 

[Asa's Heart]

It’s a real dilemma when parents get old or ilL and care costs are involved. Been through it with my father in law for 10 years with dementia before he passed away. Now going through similar with my mother in law. One of the issues that I think about regularly is that we as a society / country let our older folk down. Actually we let our children down too, but I digress. Many of the posts in this thread are advising about ways of ‘hiding’ or not paying for care. I’ve been there. It was awful. However, who do we think is going to pay for the care? Anyone seen the level of cuts and underfunding that ‘austerity’ has caused. I heard the same arguments about having to pay for care within the family… “We have worked hard and shouldn’t have to pay”. It was usually from the kids (adults) and when we had a heart to heart within the family, what that meant was mum and dad have worked hard and it will use up any inheritance. It’s horrible and real dilemma, but when we discussed it with the MIL, her view was we can contribute so why would we expect the public purse to fund it. Different era, different generation. She said to me recently “we are living too long and messing up the young people’s world”. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It broke my heart that she actually believed this…. Older people should be cherished and looked after, not seen or feel like a burden. When current society is making older people feel like this, we need a radical fucking rethink.

 

[ob]

Morning update, good news my partner's father allowed to visit today for first time since Boxing Day (if he has negative test) and my partner can visit tomorrow. Crap part is first thing he needs to do is hand over a letter informing his wife of over 40 years she's been written out of his will. She won't even know but it needs to be done. Life in all it's wonderful glory can be so so cruel at times

That didn't go quite as planned. Partner's mum rushed into hospital yesterday as got urine infection. On examination in A&E Dr found bruising down one arm and has reported it to social services. She certainly won't be going back to that home.

 

[mancityvstoke]

That didn't go quite as planned. Partner's mum rushed into hospital yesterday as got urine infection. On examination in A&E Dr found bruising down one arm and has reported it to social services. She certainly won't be going back to that home.

Getting old is fucking shit

 

[ob]

Update on our situation. A year ago my partner's mother moved into care home from hospital and treated as end of life. She's recovered from that though still needs nursing care due to Parkinson's and dementia. The care home currently at costs £2,200 a week (yea you did read that right). So social services say as no longer at end of life care needs to move. In last 4 weeks in our dealings with local social services we have heard from care side of that 3 times. Person doesn't respond to voicemail or email. The money people from social services in touch every 2/3 days asking for progress on finding her new home. We visited about 8 in last week and some proper shit holes. One interview/visit we just said seen enough and left. We got turned down for power of attorney due to mistake by solicitor (family friend) so now in process of getting deputyship. My partner having to do it all herself as her dad 87, got sister in Australia and brother in USA. She's showed so much resolve and mental strength in last few days/weeks/months. She did have little breakdown few weeks ago saying wishes she'd treated her mum better when young and wants her to be settled and happy in her own little world. Got email last night looks like moving into one we choose from list from social services. Just need to complete the paperwork work. Fingers crossed her mum will settle in new home and partner can get some time for herself.