Children leaving home

Sir peace frog

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Today is a big day for us,our daughter is leaving home and setting off into the big wide world,my other daughter is at uni in Liverpool and will be leaving for scouseland in about a month,leaving me and the mrs alone in the house on our own for the first time in 20 years.
it should be an exciting time but let me explain, my daughter who is moving out is 17 has cerebral palsy, and for the best part of 5 years has been like living with a very naughty and violent 2 year old in the body of a 17 year old,my mrs has been battered from pillar to post for the last 2 years and there was nothing to stop this,we haven't shared a bed for nearly 2 years and don't go out because there is no one who can cope with her,finally we decided she had to leave,but I have the feelings of guilt and of failure,she is going to a place where she will be well looked after and cared for and the people are trained in how to deal with her behaviour,but I cant help feeling we have failed her ,im hoping with the passing of time my feeling will subside and me and the mrs can get on with our own lives, because this has been a living hell for me and her.

just wanted to get this off my chest,cheers.
 
Neither of you should feel guilty about having to let your daughter go into a specialist care home.
It is clear that you have done as much as possible to care for her, but doing so for so long has taken its toll.
It is also clear that you love your daughter as much as anyone could love a child, sometimes though, love is not enough.
I have a grandson, almost 11 years old, and he has, shall we say, 'Issues' which affect him and the whole family. It could well be the case that he will have to go into care, if his meds don't continue to work as they should.
It is bittersweet for you now, but you are not the only people who have had to make this decision and you are not alone.
Good luck to all of you in dealing with your change in circumstances.
 
Today is a big day for us,our daughter is leaving home and setting off into the big wide world,my other daughter is at uni in Liverpool and will be leaving for scouseland in about a month,leaving me and the mrs alone in the house on our own for the first time in 20 years.
it should be an exciting time but let me explain, my daughter who is moving out is 17 has cerebral palsy, and for the best part of 5 years has been like living with a very naughty and violent 2 year old in the body of a 17 year old,my mrs has been battered from pillar to post for the last 2 years and there was nothing to stop this,we haven't shared a bed for nearly 2 years and don't go out because there is no one who can cope with her,finally we decided she had to leave,but I have the feelings of guilt and of failure,she is going to a place where she will be well looked after and cared for and the people are trained in how to deal with her behaviour,but I cant help feeling we have failed her ,im hoping with the passing of time my feeling will subside and me and the mrs can get on with our own lives, because this has been a living hell for me and her.

just wanted to get this off my chest,cheers.

You both sound like the parents any child would be proud of. I know it must be tough m8 and I'm not going to patronize you by saying i know what your going through?? If Britain had more parents like you the country would be a better place, good luck and i hope everything works out for you as a family
 
Today is a big day for us,our daughter is leaving home and setting off into the big wide world,my other daughter is at uni in Liverpool and will be leaving for scouseland in about a month,leaving me and the mrs alone in the house on our own for the first time in 20 years.
it should be an exciting time but let me explain, my daughter who is moving out is 17 has cerebral palsy, and for the best part of 5 years has been like living with a very naughty and violent 2 year old in the body of a 17 year old,my mrs has been battered from pillar to post for the last 2 years and there was nothing to stop this,we haven't shared a bed for nearly 2 years and don't go out because there is no one who can cope with her,finally we decided she had to leave,but I have the feelings of guilt and of failure,she is going to a place where she will be well looked after and cared for and the people are trained in how to deal with her behaviour,but I cant help feeling we have failed her ,im hoping with the passing of time my feeling will subside and me and the mrs can get on with our own lives, because this has been a living hell for me and her.

just wanted to get this off my chest,cheers.
Just because you are perhaps feeling guilty you've been failing your daughter does not mean you have failed mate. All you can do is do your best.

Reading that reminded me of my daughters. Eldest is 22 and graduated in nursing last year, she's a district nurse now. She is bright happy and outwardly confident, although she suffers anxiety which she sometimes struggles to overcome. She is fairly confident driver now having passed her test about 3 years but goes into a panic attack when I mention she needs to try driving on the motorway.

My youngest is also 17, she was born with microcephaly and we were told when she was 2 by a specialist she may only live to being 16. My ex Mrs was inconsolable at the time with worry. I must admit I shed a few tears on hearing that. But we vowed we'd bring her up as normal as can be and we have. She was on meds for ADHD until about 3 years ago and is undergoing tests for autism, which myself and her mum think she's on the spectrum. Last 12 months have been difficult for us as she needs to eat more but often says she's not hungry. I don't think she has anorexia nervosa but she definitely has traits of it. Took her to the game Saturday and she said she couldn't handle the crowds, I did think I'd have to take her home but I assured her she'd be ok and she got through it. She is very shy and introvert and is at college doing a course on animal welfare, and she seems happy enough(on the surface) but I sometimes worry if she is happy in life.

I was going to PM you as it's not easy for me to write about my youngest daughter's problems. But I thought I'd share this openly because (like you and your Mrs PF) we have done our best to bring our children up as equal in a loving environment as you undoubtably have, and you can both hold your head up high that you too have done your best: ) I think your youngest will get the specialist care that you can't provide. No need to feel guilty of failure bud.

Good luck to your eldest at uni.
 

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