Crumbling relationships...

[somapop]

Been married once. Doubt I’ll do it again. I highly doubt I’ll love like that again.

You mean as in the intensity or you gave to much of yourself?

Good thread this. As from my other post I had a shit year last year following the breakdown of a 20 year old relationship with three children. We never married (there's probably a clue right there) and ended up like sparring brother and sister. But it was immensely painful. However, a year on I'm better than I've ever been in my life. It's like an emancipation really...new adventures are possible (and they never were in the old set up). I've met more women in the past 8 months than I ever have...only one really got my chemicals whirring. There's the Buddhist thing of letting go of things easily (hard to do but it eventually comes)...in fact there's a load of maxims/life quotes I used to moan about being fey and soppy...but pick em up and run with them and you'll have a load of fun.

My confidence is at an all time high...and that nothing to lose, take chances attitude (and growing a thick skin) is priceless. I'll still fall into a trap if I meet someone who really tweaks my gears, but in the meantime life is good (I ramped up the exercise last year too).

 

[gordondaviesmoustache]

You mean as in the intensity or you gave to much of yourself?

For want of a slightly less pejorative term, the former. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always will, so the former doesn't apply in the way I think you are suggesting (i.e.once bitten twice shy).

 

[Chippy_boy]

So (just for those that hate that...) marriage No. 2 looks like it's coming to a final conclusion - after almost a year of on/off/bollocks, ten years in.

We both I am sure have our views on what's right/wrong in the whole sorry thing, though my question to the judge and jury of bluemoon is - having considered that the second time around was better than the first - what about the third?

Must be amazing...

Have you and your Mrs been to counselling sessions mate? If so, really you must and if the Mrs doesn't want to then you should try everything you can to persuade her to give it a try.

It's a no-lose situation. Very possibly the counsellor will be able to help you get over your current difficulties and help you find again the magic and sparkle which first drew you two together and provided the basis for the happy times over the 10 years.

And if they cannot, and your relationship is truly broken beyond repair, then at least you'll both recognise and understand why, and be able to walk away (a) knowing you did everything you could to try to save it, and (b) with a positive outlook, knowing you're doing the right thing.

My wife and I were on the rocks 19 years ago and thought there was no way back but after me very reluctantly going to counselling, we managed to work through things and for the past 18 years, we've both been happier than we have ever been. I owe everything to the lady who helped us.

 

[tolmie's hairdoo]

Met my wife as teenagers. Now 44 - Been together for 25 years - married for 15. Two beautiful kids to a beautiful woman, couldn't be without her.

Different strokes for different folks.

 

[Millwallawayveteran1988]

It’s absolute madness. If my marriage ends there won’t be a second.

I doubt there will be a third for him! He just visits Thailand twice a year now and treats himself here now and again!

£50k a year for 5 years tax free! Not bad work that....

 

[somapop]

For want of a slightly less pejorative term, the former. I wear my heart on my sleeve and always will, so the former doesn't apply in the way I think you are suggesting (i.e.once bitten twice shy).

I always wonder if one should hold back that level of intensity for fear of pain further down the line...but I now think it best to print it out on ones sleeve.
In saying that, I think I've only got close to something incredibly strong a long time ago (and ironically, she did like to bite...).
Cheers.

 

[The perfect fumble]

 

[Machiavelli]

Don’t take advice from those who continually have bad experiences with relationships.
Happily married and still going strong after nearly 20 years together.
Lots of guys go for these high maintenance empty vessel types that just ‘look good’ the secret is find someone who ‘looks good’ but someone who also works and contributes to the relationship, someone who is interesting intellectually because once you stop shagging like rabbits you need something else other than lust to make it work together.

 

[snorky]

Don’t take advice from those who continually have bad experiences with relationships.
Happily married and still going strong after nearly 20 years together.
Lots of guys go for these high maintenance empty vessel types that just ‘look good’ the secret is find someone who ‘looks good’ but someone who also works and contributes to the relationship, someone who is interesting intellectually because once you stop shagging like rabbits you need something else other than lust to make it work together.

Or just go and shag the next one.

 

[tolmie's hairdoo]

Or just go and shag the next one.

Will you have any money left to pay for it when you're 70, though?