Do you ever use a bidet, or are they only for posh people?

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by BlueMoonRisin', 10 Dec 2019.

  1. Bilboblue

    Bilboblue

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    Would be freezing to use over here though!

    I once used a bum gun in a hotel in Khon Kaen, nearly went through the roof, reckon the pressure must have been 3 or 4 bar ffs! That alone caused some ring sting!
     
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  2. mccity

    mccity

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    Logically, it doesn't really make sense not to use one.
     
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  3. sir baconface

    sir baconface

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    Sounds near enough to me. It has the bacon seal of approval.

    Bidets are for French slags and (in avocado green) for 1970s Brit wannabes.
     
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  4. BlueMoonRisin'

    BlueMoonRisin'

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    Reminds me of the time I went on holiday many years ago, Greece island I think.

    Told the Mrs I wanted to try waterskiing and she said go for it so I did.

    Walked up to Stavros and asked how much it was and gave him the drachma for a 15 minute session. He took me out in this speedboat and I put the skis on. What I didn't realise was that it isn't as easy as it looks.

    I sat against a platform tentatively waiting for the line to go tight and when it did my legs were like Bambi on ice!

    "We go faster" he shouted. I nervously nodded and BANG, I seemed to be over headbutting the water what felt like concrete. He was dragging me along and I was hanging on. Didn't register that I should have let go, he never give me any prior instructions either.

    When he realised he stopped, picked me up and he said "we go again"
    I was shaken but didn't want to quit so I reluctantly agreed, this time I felt even more tense. He got up to speed and Bambi here yet again went over, this time I sat on the water, WHOOSH! Never felt instant pain like it. Felt like I'd just had a watercannon enema! I was in absolute agony.

    Arms waiving and shouting "hey, take me back I've had enough!" When he noticed he said "but you still got 5 minutes left. "No take me back I'm in agony".

    He told me back to the beach and I waddled back to my Mrs like a dying penguin. Walked up to her, face grimacing like Les Dawson ever could..... "What's up hun, you looked like you were having fun, did you fall over"?...."Did I fall over, he nearly fuckin' killed me"!

    I then (involuntary) let out a big saline fart and followed through with arse gravy streaming down my leg, to my Mrs faux sympathy before laughing at me and my sorry state.

    He didn't even give me a safety briefing or offer me a wetsuit, the Greek cowboy: /
     
  5. Vialli98

    Vialli98

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    When I've visited the household of a Pakistani mate many years ago, they had a jug of some sort on the floor next the toilet. I asked him what it was for, and he said it was cleaning oneself after using the toilet - so it appears people use makeshift tools if they don't have a bidet or bidet shower installed.
     
  6. Banshee

    Banshee

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    Useful for shaving ones legs
     
  7. They don't seem to have them in my council tower block but I bet they're Tony Tiger great when you've not washed your hairy bumhole for a few weeks and it's all crispy. You really need to soften it all up.

    I'd still miss the smell though.
     
  8. Psychedelic Casual

    Psychedelic Casual

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    Unless you have one of those shits where you only have to wipe once or twice, if you don’t wash your arse after a shit, you have winnets in your arse crack. There’s no “if”s or “but”s - your arse crack is dirty until you wash it again.

    I have no idea why every house in the country doesn’t have a bidet. My flat doesn’t so I wash my arse in the shower after a shit so that I’m not walking around with bits of shit in my arse crack all day.

    The Italian football fans are right to mock us with signs about it whenever they play us:
    [​IMG]

    And the Napoli owner had a point:
    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/f...-their-genitalia-claims-Napoli-president.html

    I think we’re a bunch of filthy cunts in this country for not washing after having a shit.
     
    Last edited: 10 Dec 2019
  9. BlueMoonRisin'

    BlueMoonRisin'

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    Oh right, thought I'd was something lewd when you mentioned Thai girls.

    That must be the thing that sandblasted my pale starfish to a polished diamond then; )
     
  10. My cars got one. Although in the handbook they call it a rear wash wipe.
     
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