Embarrassing moments in life

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metalblue

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Experience is a terrible teacher, it gives the exa
We’ve all had them. Today I was caught short needing a shit in John Lewis. I hate using public toilets for a poo and would normally wait until the turtle was touching the undercrackers, but I knew I was going to be In town for a few hours. As most you hesthen cunts won’t know JL has unisex toilets so I head towards them...phew...no queue. In I go and do the business, gave it a courtesy flush once the worst was out. Before I’d even finished with the second wave someone was trying the door handle. All done I started to clean myself up and the loo roll in the holder, naturally, made a hell of a racket, no doubt they could hear it within a 10mile radius. And I needed several goes to get it cleaned, all the while people were trying the door.

Finally washed my hands and prayed there was no queue as I was ready to leave...out I go and of course I walked to a huge queue, it was like the January fucking sales . I’d only been in there 5 minutes, 10 tops which is a PB for me. I could have died, next in line was some elderly lady and I didn’t have the heart to suggest she gave it 10. I just prayed she had no sense of smell or memory as she was about to undergo an ordeal.

Come on blues, name and shame, what’s been your embarrassing moments?
 
3 taxiing incidents for me

I picked up a party of 8 from Warrington Crematorium....the second they got in, "Another One Bites the Dust" came on the radio

A woman with dwarfism got in, Take That's "We Are Giants" was on.

I was playing Genesis' "Deep in the Motherlode" from my USB stick. A bloke who must've weighed 20 stone got in the front, the moment Collins sang "get out of the way, fat man"
 
lefty goldblatt said:
3 taxiing incidents for me

I picked up a party of 8 from Warrington Crematorium....the second they got in, "Another One Bites the Dust" came on the radio

A woman with dwarfism got in, Take That's "We Are Giants" was on.

I was playing Genesis' "Deep in the Motherlode" from my USB stick. A bloke who must've weighed 20 stone got in the front, the moment Collins sang "get out of the way, fat man"
Click to expand...
Haha, should of played your the one for me fatty
 
lefty goldblatt said:
3 taxiing incidents for me

I picked up a party of 8 from Warrington Crematorium....the second they got in, "Another One Bites the Dust" came on the radio

A woman with dwarfism got in, Take That's "We Are Giants" was on.

I was playing Genesis' "Deep in the Motherlode" from my USB stick. A bloke who must've weighed 20 stone got in the front, the moment Collins sang "get out of the way, fat man"
Click to expand...

Reminded me of one where Mrs MB drove to the local mental health clinic. Her nickname is Loopy. And her number plate basically reads Loopy
 
Away at Arsenal a few years ago I missed the tannoy announcement of “ mind the gap” at embankment tube station my left leg went down the “gap” emergency services called had to get wheeled out to the amusement of all the arsenal supporters 4 months off work ended up 60/40 chance I’d lose the leg from the knee down .every visit to the smoke and I’m reminded of mind the gap.never forget the shame of being stuck between the train and platform and then Tarquinius in stitches .
Too be honest I was pretty oiled.
 
On a bus heading back from Chester when I felt a really strong urge to fart.
It was a hot day and the bus windows were open as we were going along a dual carriageway. Me thinking I could get away with it as long as it was silent and NOT deadly, eased it out.
BIG MISTAKE...the wind coming in through the window spread my very deadly one around the bottom deck of the bus.
Still, me thinks...nobody can know it was me.......

Save for the 4 year old girl sitting on the other side of the bus with her mother who I can see out of the corner of my eye(despite trying to keep my eyes firmly facing forward) tugging on her mothers arm and pointing at me with the other hand...

..."Mummy mummy, that mans farted"
...Mortified
 
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