Emigrating Guilt

Main Stand Hotdog said:
I suppose this is one for the Expats amongst you really.

The wife and I have decided to pay off the last of our debts this year and get the wheels in motion to move to Barcelona. The industry we work in is starting to take off over there, it's pretty much all based in London here and to work and live here is just getting too expensive, not to mention almost impossible to buy property.

We've started learning Spanish, my wife has just started working for a Barca based company (fully remote atm), we have friends out there already and we love the place, the people, the way of life etc. I think this could be a really exciting opportunity.

We also have a four year old son and he is the only grandchild on either mine or my wife's side. So you can imagine how much the grandparents and his Aunty (my sister) fuss over him. We've not told them that we're planning to move abroad and this is going to be the biggest hurdle for me personally.

They've been on at us constantly about leaving london and moving back up North to be closer to them as they feel they've been deprived of quality time with my son, so I'm fairly certain they will be beyond fucked off with the idea that we'll be leaving the country. I think the decision will do irreparable damage to my relationship with my parents and sister and regardless of how much I think I'm doing what is best for my family and what would make me happy, I will feel like a bit of arsehole.

Did any of you Expat Bluemooners have to sit with that sort guilt? If so was it just an inital thing that goes away over time or is it just sort of something you have to live with?
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Fuck off baldy, we need you here
 
You only live once, if you can cope with family putting unfair pressure on, not being on your grandchild's doorstep, healthy and won't miss City too much go for it. It's only 2/3 hours away in any case.

We'd have likely buggered off to Greece as the stars alined 9/10 years ago but, Mrs Moon's health condition appeared and that was that.
 
Main Stand Hotdog said:
I suppose this is one for the Expats amongst you really.

The wife and I have decided to pay off the last of our debts this year and get the wheels in motion to move to Barcelona. The industry we work in is starting to take off over there, it's pretty much all based in London here and to work and live here is just getting too expensive, not to mention almost impossible to buy property.

We've started learning Spanish, my wife has just started working for a Barca based company (fully remote atm), we have friends out there already and we love the place, the people, the way of life etc. I think this could be a really exciting opportunity.

We also have a four year old son and he is the only grandchild on either mine or my wife's side. So you can imagine how much the grandparents and his Aunty (my sister) fuss over him. We've not told them that we're planning to move abroad and this is going to be the biggest hurdle for me personally.

They've been on at us constantly about leaving london and moving back up North to be closer to them as they feel they've been deprived of quality time with my son, so I'm fairly certain they will be beyond fucked off with the idea that we'll be leaving the country. I think the decision will do irreparable damage to my relationship with my parents and sister and regardless of how much I think I'm doing what is best for my family and what would make me happy, I will feel like a bit of arsehole.

Did any of you Expat Bluemooners have to sit with that sort guilt? If so was it just an inital thing that goes away over time or is it just sort of something you have to live with?
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Do what you think is best for your family. Worst case being you don’t like it or it doesn’t work out. No big deal. You just come home. So what? Give it a go. It will be an adventure and a great experience for all of your family. Particularly learning a new language fluently. Good luck fella!
 
Your mind is made up and you’re going anyway and so you should.

Many who have commented have had first hand experience of this and I don’t recall one advising you not to.

It’s Barcelona, not some place half way around the world. Your family should support you and it would be disappointing if they didn’t. That should tell you something if they don't.

We moved to Canada when my son was all but three and so glad we did and have had no regrets. We didn’t go back for 18 years, but my mother would come over. Do you think she wanted us to go and take her only grandchild, of course she didn’t? That would only be natural, but there was never any effort to try and change our mind or give anything but encouragement.

I’m big on ‘gut feeling’, so if deep down you think it’s right, then off you go. As some have said, you can always come back.

Never get to your later years and say, “I wish I had…...”.
 
Slipper One said:
Your mind is made up and you’re going anyway and so you should.

Many who have commented have had first hand experience of this and I don’t recall one advising you not to.

It’s Barcelona, not some place half way around the world. Your family should support you and it would be disappointing if they didn’t. That should tell you something if they don't.

We moved to Canada when my son was all but three and so glad we did and have had no regrets. We didn’t go back for 18 years, but my mother would come over. Do you think she wanted us to go and take her only grandchild, of course she didn’t? That would only be natural, but there was never any effort to try and change our mind or give anything but encouragement.

I’m big on ‘gut feeling’, so if deep down you think it’s right, then off you go. As some have said, you can always come back.

Never get to your later years and say, “I wish I had…...”.
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Indeed
 
Just one question for the OP , how will your son start school without speaking Spanish?
He will have to be pretty fluent or get left behind in the class.
 
Bill Walker said:
Just one question for the OP , how will your son start school without speaking Spanish?
He will have to be pretty fluent or get left behind in the class.
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He's only four. In Spain they start school at five, according to Google. And schools typically know how to deal with second language speakers by now. I wouldn't say it'll be an issue. The bigger issue would be helping with homework if you don't get up to speed yourself.
 
Go. Everyone will adjust. If they love you, they’ll understand that you only get one go around and have to make choices for yourself and your immediate family’s life. You’ll soon find out who does and who does not have a selfish agenda.

Left home for States at 18. Never went back. Parents never guilted me and always told me to find my own place in the world FOR ME!

Loved my parents and love my siblings, but I wouldn’t put up with any guff from them for me living my own life, just as I’ve never told them how to live theirs.

If there are hurdles, those with desire will find a way to overcome them. If they choose not to try, then that’s an answer in itself.

Go. Live. Experience life. This is your time.
 
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I moved to Asia, and the intention was to at least move back to Europe eventually to be closer to my parents. Then my mum voted for Brexit and ruined my chances of getting a job there. So fuck her. Haha.

Will probably move back to the UK once I've got kids though.
 
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