Farting in bed

[henrythedogcity]

Wife's just phoned me at work this morning and told me that I actually woke her up in the middle of the night by doing a massive loud fart!!
We've been married twenty years and she says I've been doing it more often recently.
The problem is when she told me I couldn't stop laughing.
She's told me I need to stop doing it or else but how can I stop doing it when I'm unaware I'm actually doing it in the first place.

 

[TinFoilHat]

Are we sure it isn't her and she's blaming you for it?

 

[kinkyblue]

Get a dog!

 

[feedmpenzaandhewillscore]

Classic thread alert

 

[madloaf]

Wife's just phoned me at work this morning and told me that I actually woke her up in the middle of the night by doing a massive loud fart!!
We've been married twenty years and she says I've been doing it more often recently.
The problem is when she told me I couldn't stop laughing.
She's told me I need to stop doing it or else but how can I stop doing it when I'm unaware I'm actually doing it in the first place.

Or else what? If she means you'll have to sleep in a different room then I fail to see any negatives at all.

 

[Scottyboi]

Tell her to stop pegging you before bed then.

 

[smevchenko]

sounds like a 'her' problem to be honest

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Tell her it's the tablets, works for me.

 

[supercity88]

Wife's just phoned me at work this morning and told me that I actually woke her up in the middle of the night by doing a massive loud fart!!
We've been married twenty years and she says I've been doing it more often recently.
The problem is when she told me I couldn't stop laughing.
She's told me I need to stop doing it or else but how can I stop doing it when I'm unaware I'm actually doing it in the first place.

Try to make a game of it.

Ask her to guess the sound you'll make before you do it, if she's right she wins a point is she's wrong you win a point. First to 10 wins...you can decide the prize.

 

[dickie davies]

My wife is terrible for farting in bed
One particular night I was struggling to sleep so pulled the covers up over my head, turned my phone on and started on the day's wordle
Sixty seconds later, wifey let one hell of a fart out and almost gassed me

 

[Kinkladze's crazy skills]

Make a stance she's being unreasonable, this isn't Keeping Up Appearances, who is she Hyacinth Bucket? Are you Richard? Don't let her put you down or keep you under the thumb.

You were right to laugh, but now it's time...

Double down later on like a real man and stamp your authority, run over and kick the bed to get her attention, then turn around quickly and let one rip in her face before running away.

Show her who is boss, just like this fine chap named Sven...

 

[Cellarite]

Treat her to a Dutch oven. Tell her that either she stops her yapping or this will be a sign of things to come. Mithering woman.

 

[Shirley]

An old kiwi mate used to call the bed…the farter

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

Wife's just phoned me at work this morning and told me that I actually woke her up in the middle of the night by doing a massive loud fart!!
We've been married twenty years and she says I've been doing it more often recently.
The problem is when she told me I couldn't stop laughing.
She's told me I need to stop doing it or else but how can I stop doing it when I'm unaware I'm actually doing it in the first place.

Yer not the only one. It's summat Lady Starmer has been complaining about since her husband worked for Crown Prosecution.

 

[J.G.Blue.]

I love a good fart in bed, My duvet looks like a hovercraft starting up some nights :-)

 

[henrythedogcity]

Get a dog!

Make a stance she's being unreasonable, this isn't Keeping Up Appearances, who is she Hyacinth Bucket? Are you Richard? Don't let her put you down or keep you under the thumb.

You were right to laugh, but now it's time...

Double down later on like a real man and stamp your authority, run over and kick the bed to get her attention, then turn around quickly and let one rip in her face before running away.

Show her who is boss, just like this fine chap named Sven...

Brilliant

 

[jimharri]

As long as you don't follow through, what's the problem?

 

[Tuearts right boot]

Hide it by yawning or coughing at the same time, she'll be non the wiser.

 

[LangleyBlue1970]

Different if you don’t know you’ve done it. That happens. If it’s done deliberately then that’s another matter altogether. Put it this way, if my missus started farting in bed on purpose without a care in the world, she would be single just seconds later. I wouldn’t do that to her.

Rank.

 

[A57 the snake]

Farting in bed .,, aka the breakfast maker