Has anybody any funny anecdotes about Grimsby? I cannot emphasise enough the inclusion of “funny” in the question. Although I get a free pass.
No time wasters.
Or, we could have a, Things I’ve never done in Grimsby. Where we make up a story about Grimsby and the things we didn’t do. . I will go first.
I don’t remember that morning well, if at all. Grimsby seemed to hang inside a nicotine stained lampshade and smelled worse, but then at the same time it didn’t, because, it never happened. Just then, out of nowhere, it wasn’t Bobby Davro who burst upon me with his annoying fucking ways. Oi!! I didn’t shout. Oi you, you fucking twat, I’ve had a **** of a day and you turning up has been the last fucking straw. Now piss of or I’m going away for a long time.
He looked sad so I gave him a hug, he clung on weeping, so I punched him right in the face and the **** scarpered.
Grimsby Town we’re playing that day and some doss **** on BM put up a thread about them, so, I didn’t go into a pub and see what kind of people supported them and if they were all cunts. I didn’t find a bar run by Lenny Henry and Dawn French, back together due to financial difficulties. Lenny never came over and said Magic, I read all your stuff. I never replied because Dawn never came over and started pushing her tits in my face, it never happened. Big tits though.
Turns out Grimsby fans aren’t as bad as made out. I didn’t talk to them all in depth about everything from Socrates to Galileo, Darwin to Sagan, corruption in football, the pros and cons of inbreeding in small dismal communities. We didn’t all decide that we preferred talking about Socrates, what a player.
Later than night I didn’t leave the pub and bump into Emily Blunt, on a break for her man, she didn’t smile at me at all, and there is no way she invited me back to her hotel room where we made love to the Wurzels, big fan she is. I didn’t leave in the morning with a smile on my face and a memory to last a lifetime.
I didn’t decide to get a taxi the whole way home, recounting my tale of my mad weekend that never happen. And because it was so good, he didn’t let me off with a £700 fare. Why would he? That would be fucking mental, I didn’t go back to my Penthouse and didn’t find two friends with benefits gorgeous women in my pad. If you guess the rest and have us right at it. You would way off, but thanks for the boost. Grimsby, I couldn’t point it out on a map. Never been there, never will, but that weekend that never happened, was the most spiritual experience that’s never happened to me ever.
How Dolly Parton, Shenaia Twain, Snoop Dog and I never went on a Drug and Sex fuelled world tour.