Headlines you’ll never see

[Ribchester]

“Ex Barca player YaYa Toure offers sex workers to team mates”

 

[Blue Dawson]

'Alex Ferguson triumphantly embraces Phil Jones at the Stadium of Light after dramatic title deciding victory'

 

[Vic]

Thread pulled for Simpsons-like drop in quality.

But not before, if non-footie ones are allowed, my favourite in a Guardian competition years ago for best future headline: "Another languid day's dealing on the London Marijuana Exchange" (and visualise the photo to go with it).

 

[solley attwell]

Lionel messi earns £900,000 per week
£128,570 per day
£5357 per hour
£89 per minute
£1.48 per second

Enough to feed a small village in africa for the year

 

[Ribchester]

'Alex Ferguson triumphantly embraces Phil Jones at the Stadium of Light after dramatic title deciding victory'

Today you have just witnessed the new Duncan Edwards

 

[Mad Eyed Screamer]

Anthony Taylor turns down chance to ref United game after admitting he is a rag

 

[ballinio]

Var is scrapped amid corruption investigation

 

[Kenward Garg]

"Michael Owen's magnetic charisma charmed me into bed"

I don’t feel so lonely anymore.

 

[Kenward Garg]

Football is fixed.

 

[citymad]

Why City should sign......