Joke thread

Kippax77 said:
Heywood girls awesome.
I had sex with one back in the day, like you pissed up.
We found a shed in a works yard that had carpet rolled up on the floors.
Anyway after finishing a doggy style sesh with her she wanted me to walk her to the taxi rank in the centre.
As I did I kept getting whiffs of shit and I just thought it was her minge.
Anyway once in the taxi rank we sat and waited for a cab.
As I crossed my legs I noticed a big dog turd on the knee of my chinos.
I must of been knelt in it in that shed.
The moral of this night is I'll never think bad of an Heywood girl again.
100% true story
Click to expand...
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Kippax77 said:
Heywood girls awesome.
I had sex with one back in the day, like you pissed up.
We found a shed in a works yard that had carpet rolled up on the floors.
Anyway after finishing a doggy style sesh with her she wanted me to walk her to the taxi rank in the centre.
As I did I kept getting whiffs of shit and I just thought it was her minge.
Anyway once in the taxi rank we sat and waited for a cab.
As I crossed my legs I noticed a big dog turd on the knee of my chinos.
I must of been knelt in it in that shed.
The moral of this night is I'll never think bad of an Heywood girl again.
100% true story
Click to expand...
Have you thought of writing romantic novels?
 
A man was in a long line at his local Sainsbury’s store. As he got to the check out he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl if she could have some brought up to the register. She asked, "What size condoms?" The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him and called over the intercom, "One box of large condoms, Checkout 5." The next man in line thought this was interesting, and like most of us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the check out, he told the girl that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could have some brought to the check out for him. She asked him what size, and he stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants. He did. She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of medium-sized condoms, Checkout 5." A few customers back was this teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a live female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the check out he told the girl he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said he didn't know. She asked him to drop his pants and he did. She reached over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom and said...
"Mop and bucket to Checkout 5
 
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