Joke thread

[maccieblue]

The Liverpool bottle bank has re opened

 

[Indaparkside]

Just seen a lad I’d not seen for a while in bargain booze buying a can of coke, this fuckers the biggest alcoholic I know so I asked him why he was buying a can of coke, his reply really shook me up you’d buy a can of coke if you had what I’ve got he replied, fearing for his health I said why what have you got 80p he replied

 

[jimharri]

I've started breeding racing geese. Let me know if you want to have a quick gander.

 

[Uwe Already]

Just seen a lad I’d not seen for a while in bargain booze buying a can of coke, this fuckers the biggest alcoholic I know so I asked him why he was buying a can of coke, his reply really shook me up you’d buy a can of coke if you had what I’ve got he replied, fearing for his health I said why what have you got 80p he replied

Haha - Wolfie Smith 1978, sat in a pub drinking orange squash, a personal favourite

 

[Berts Neck]

Doctor joke from Australia,

A young lady goes to see her Gynaecologist with pelvic pain. He tells her to get behind the curtains, undress and let him know when she is ready to be examined.
"OK Doc am ready."
He proceeds to examine her and says," Ah yes, I can see the problem. You have an issue with your Aviaries."
Somewhat startled, she says," Dont you mean my Ovaries ?"
He quickly replies, "No there's been a Cockatoo up there"

 

[Mid Wales blue]

Doctor joke from Australia,

A young lady goes to see her Gynaecologist with pelvic pain. He tells her to get behind the curtains, undress and let him know when she is ready to be examined.
"OK Doc am ready."
He proceeds to examine her and says," Ah yes, I can see the problem. You have an issue with your Aviaries."
Somewhat startled, she says," Dont you mean my Ovaries ?"
He quickly replies, "No there's been a Cockatoo up there"

No said the Dr, definitely a problem with your aviaries (as he pulls out two huge dildos) you had a cock or two that wouldn’t come out.

 

[Indaparkside]

Woman breaks wind in a guys pint he said hey, you fart in me whitbread she said no I’m tessa Sanderson

 

[Indaparkside]

One of Bernard’s jokes, Usain Bolt queuing up in the vip section at the swamp security guard says can I see your ticket please so he shows him, sorry sir but your sat with the normal fans right around the other side, do you know who I am I’m usain bolt well it won’t take you very long to get there then will it.

 

[BlueMoonRisin’]

 

[Sid C]

A couple are in bed at 3am when they a woken by a loud banging at the door. The hubby goes down and comes back a few minutes later complaining that it was a drunk at the door asking for a push.
The wife said “oh dear, did you help him?” He replied “No I didn’t, it’s pissing down”
She replied “That terrible, it was only 3 months ago that we broke down on the carriageway and two lovely lads helped us and gave us a push. Remember God loves a drunk.”
Not wanting to have a row the hubby gets dressed, go’s outside and says
”Are you still there?”
”Yes”
”Do you still need a push?”
”Yes please”
”Well where are you?”
”Over here on the swing”