Joke thread

[Lavinda Past]

I hate the winter... I just walked to the shop to get some frozen sausages.

By the time I got home I had an extra one.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Scientists have successfully used stem cells to grow vocal chords in the lab.


The results speak for themselves.

 

[Zuriblue]

 

[mosssideblue]

 

[Skr1975]

 

[Lavinda Past]

A man walked into a bar and saw an ugly guy who was constantly surrounded by women.

“How to spot a millionaire, am I right?”
he winked and smiled at the bartender.

No, Larry is a plumber, not a millionaire,” replied the bartender.

“Okay,” said the guy. “So he must be extremely charming.”

“Larry is actually a man of very few words,” the bartender answered.

“Then what makes him so incredibly popular with women?” asked the guy.

“I actually have no idea,“ said the bartender. “Every day he comes in and sits there quietly drinking his beer and occasionally licking his eyebrows.”

 

[meltonblue]

Tough run of fixtures for Enya Rugby club coming up:

Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A)

 

[Lavinda Past]

My neighbour had a delivery of flowers today but she found that all the heads had been cut off...

I think she's being stalked

 

[Sam101]

I took The Wife to Blackpool and bought her a fur coat,however, I didn't realise it was made of hamster skins.





I couldn't get her off the Big Wheel for two days.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went into an Indian restaurant and asked for a Chicken Chaat.

The waiter replied

"cock-a-doodle-doo - cluck cluck - squawk - cluck - bawk bawk"