Joke thread

[Vienna_70]

Just got a job organising a nativity play in Liverpool.

God knows where I’ll find 3 wise men and a virgin.

The more time I spend in Yorkshire, the less and less convinced I become that the three wise men came from the East.

 

[Lavinda Past]

How many Countdown contestants does it take to change a BLIHBULGT?

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm not the best cook in the world but yesterday I bought some corned beef, potatoes and onions and thought I'd try doing something.

Obviously I made a hash of it.

 

[Lavinda Past]

Our local football team will be going home in their kits after the match.

It appears the manager has lost the dressing room

 

[Lavinda Past]

I'm getting so excited about a bust I'm having made.

I'd better calm down, I'm getting ahead of myself

 

[TinFoilHat]

What am I....?

Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I went to an Indian restaurant last night. After I ordered, a little old lady came up to me and said, "Aren't you polite.. You have such lovely manners!!"..

I didn't realise at the time but apparently, it was my complimentary nan.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I saw a bloke yesterday who had a Quality Street chocolate stuck in his windpipe.

Was it the purple one?

Yes, that's him.

 

[Lavinda Past]

I was hiking in the countryside the other day and saw a group of nuns out for a ramble.

They were roamin catholics.

 

[bluemoon32]