Joke thread

A man moves to Montana. His closest neighbour is 10 miles down the road.

After several months of no other human interactions he's checking the mailbox when a truck approaches and stops. The driver introduces himself as his neighbour. After some chit chat the man says, "How do you get by with no women around?"

His neighbour points to a hill off in the distance and says "see those sheep way out there on that hill..."

Before he can say another word, the man says "That's disgusting! I'd never do that!"

The neighbor just smiles and says "we'll see" and drives off.

A month later the man is getting the mail when he can't contain any longer. He hikes until he reaches the flock. He looks around and finds the prettiest sheep and takes her home but he can't do the deed.

He figures a date may help. He gives the sheep a bath, puts a bow in its hair, puts it in the truck and drives 40 miles to the nearest town.

They pull up at the bar and he grabs the sheep and walks in. Immediately the place goes silent.

The man sees every guy inside looking at him. "How dare you judge me!" he says. "There's not one of you who hasn't or wouldn't do the same as me!"

Suddenly a voice responds,"Sir, you are correct, but that's the sheriff's girl you're with!"
 
There was this drunk walking down the street and he walks up to a copper and says, “Somebody stole my car.”

The copper says, “Well where was it?” and he says, “It was right on the end of this key.”

The cop says, “Why don’t you go on down to the police station... you can report it there and they’ll fill out all the proper forms.”

The guy says, “Ok” and he starts to walk off. The cop says, “Before you go you'd better zip up your fly.”

The guy looks down and says, “Oh shit, they took my girlfriend too.”
 
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