joke thread....

citymantop

Well-Known Member
Joined
27 Apr 2011
Messages
373
A man is alone in an airport lounge. A beautiful woman walks in and sits down

at the table next to him. He decides because she's wearing a uniform, she's

probably an off-duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies

for, thereby impressing her greatly.

He leans across to her and says the British Airways motto :

'To Fly. To Serve'?

The woman looks at him blankly

He sits back and thinks up another line.

He leans forward again and delivers the Air France motto

'Winning the hearts of the world'?

Again she just stares at him with a slightly puzzled look on her face.

Undeterred, he tries again, this time saying the Malaysian Airlines motto

'Going beyond expectations'?

The woman looks at him sternly and says

'What the fuck do you want?'

'Aha!' he says, "Ryan Air".
 

nimrod

Well-Known Member
Joined
24 Dec 2006
Messages
16,380
Location
Down Under
A man walks into a chemist, buys a condom, then walks out laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, there's no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Who knows, maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the same man comes back to the store, purchases yet another condom, and once again he leaves in hysterics , the pharmacist thinks "What's could be so funny about buying a condom, anyway?" So he tells his assistant "If he ever comes back, I want you to follow him to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the same man is back, he buys the condom, and again starts cracking up with laughter, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his assistant, to follow him.

About an hour later, the assistant comes back to the store. "Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.

The assistant replies "Your house."....
 

Dicko69

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Joined
26 Jul 2009
Messages
1,670
Rumour has it, up in heaven, roy castle can't play no jazz trumpet because he can't stop giggling
 

Zuriblue

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Joined
18 Feb 2009
Messages
1,451
Location
Baden, Switzerland
UKBA passport control at Manchester Airport

"Purpose of your visit sir...?"
"My wife and I are spending 2 weeks holiday in the Lake district."
[PAUSE]
"Welcome to the UK. And hope you enjoy your stay in Somerset."

Jokes about white sugar are rare.

But jokes about brown sugar - demerara.<br /><br />-- Sun Feb 09, 2014 4:17 pm --<br /><br />A lady enters the dental surgery, takes off her stockings, underwear, makes herself comfortable in the chair, spreads her legs apart.

Dentist: "Madam, are you sure you're in the right place?"

"Probably, you need the gynecologist."

Lady: "No. I'm in the right place all right."

"You made the dental plate for my husband last week, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"Now remove it, please..!!"
 

law74

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Joined
17 Feb 2007
Messages
9,350
Location
backing three legged donkeys
I hate people that take drugs.


You know, like policemen and customs officers.<br /><br />-- Sun Feb 09, 2014 3:51 pm --<br /><br />I hate people that take drugs.


You know, like policemen and customs officers.
 

chrishull

Well-Known Member
Joined
19 Jul 2008
Messages
636
Breaking News...
Manchester United are reported to be "very interested" in Ken Barlow's defence.
 

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