joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. meltonblue

    meltonblue

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    Eldest’s parents’ evening tonight, his drama teacher said they’ll be studying The Crucible after half term. I won’t forget the look she gave me when I asked if they’d be covering Cliff Thorburn’s televised 147...
     
  2. jimharri

    jimharri

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    Lulu was a prostitute, but she didn"t want her grandma to know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes at a sex party in a hotel, and Lulu was among them. The police took them outside and had all the prostitutes lined up along the driveway when suddenly, Lulu's grandma came by and saw her grandaughter. Grandma asked, "why are you standing in line here, dear?" Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Lulu told her grandmother that the policemen were there passing out free oranges and she was just lining up for some. "Why, that"s awfully nice of them. I think I"ll get some for myself," and she proceeded to the back of the line. A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and exclaimed, "wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?" "I just take my dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry..." The policeman fainted.
     
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  3. sir baconface

    sir baconface

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    Wazza likes this.
     
  4. Indaparkside

    Indaparkside

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    I was brought up adopted by a man called Daz, so I grew up referring to him as my non biological father.



    Daily mirror today
     
  5. KS55

    KS55

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    Oh Mo, That's terrible
     
  6. jimharri

    jimharri

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    I had to go to the Doctors yesterday and having stripped off he immediately mentioned the fact that my penis was perfectly shaped like a saxophone. I explained that it was a family trait and that we all had genitalia that areshaped like musical instruments.
    He was amazed and said; “Well, in 27 years as a GP I’ve never seen anything like it. Having said that, I do remember a woman coming in a few years ago and her vagina was shaped like a Mouth Organ”.
    I said; “Ah; that’ll be our Monica”
     
  7. mat

    mat

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    [​IMG]
     
  8. Blue_eyes

    Blue_eyes

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    A man goes to see his doctor, whats the problem asks the doctor, er well my dick is shaped like a rocket and I am very conscious of it, am embarrassed to change at the baths etc or wear speedos at the beach. Are you married asks the doctor, yes replies the man. and what does your wife think of it, oh shes over the moon.
     
  9. I just heard a woodpecker call me a paranoid twat in morse code.
     
  10. Uwe Already

    Uwe Already

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    To err is human to arr is pirate...
    I went to the doctors as I’d been feeling unwell for weeks, he wasn’t sure what was going on, so he asked for a urine sample, a stool sample and a sperm sample.

    I was in a bit of a rush so I just left my pants at reception...

    I thank you!
     
    Mancity1980 and dobingsdobber like this.

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