joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. ColinBellsjockstrap

    ColinBellsjockstrap

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    This young man takes his new busty girlfriend on their first date in his car...

    He's really gagging for it, so he drives down a dark lovers lane and pulls up in a secluded spot and says:-

    M "Ok, come on get in the back"

    G "No"

    M "Come on, get in the back"

    G "No"

    M (Getting very frustrated to boiling point)…."Come on get in the back"

    G "No, I don't want to"

    M "Aw, why not?"

    G "Cos I want to stop in the front with you"
     
    DTeacher likes this.
  2. My phone bill this month came to £500.

    That’s the last time I call ‘Stuttering Sluts’.
     
  3. lefty goldblatt

    lefty goldblatt

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    Chinese bloke, walking down the street, notices the lead singer of The Human League

    "Ahhh, you Phil Oakey?"

    "Yeah, bit of a cold, but can't complain"
     
  4. Blue_eyes

    Blue_eyes

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    Heard that oysters were an aphrodisiac and thought I would try them out, so had a dozen while out for a meal with the wife. Bloody waste of time though.....only six of em worked!!!!
     
  5. davek1808

    davek1808

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    There was a poacher, an elephant and pride of lions ...........
     
  6. bluemanchester

    bluemanchester

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    Well if you can tell that old one I will tell an older one about the couple who pull into a country lane. They get in the back seat and she puts one leg in the strap between the front and back doors and he puts her other leg in the strap on the other side. They were just about to start the action when there's a knock on the window and a torch shining in. Hello hello hello open the window sir. The PC looks in and asks what are you doing. The lad explains they were just about to have a bit of fun. He then asks the PC your not going to arrest us are you officer. No, he says I am grateful to you. Why says the lad. Because son, I've had a car for 20 years and I never knew what those straps were for.
     
  7. Fred_Quimby

    Fred_Quimby

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    Just heard - OXO have just produced a new cube for Brexit - the have called it The Laughing Stock.
     
    noblelord and 1.618034 like this.
  8. PR7

    PR7

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    Mummy, what were you doing bouncing on daddy’s stomach last night?,

    I have to that, it saves his belly getting to fat
    Bouncing on it keeps him skinny,

    That’s not gonna work

    Why not?

    Because the babysitter keeps blowing him back up again!
     
  9. BackofJeanette

    BackofJeanette

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    Up in Heaven, Jesus asked Joseph and Mary would they like to return to Earth for one day and where they would like to go, Joseph said, he wanted to go to a B&Q store, Jesus asked why?, Joseph said, I want to see all the power tools for carpentry, OK, said Jesus, Mum, where do you want to go to?, "Oh, Son, I would like to visit Lourdes and Fatima." Mary said, Jesus asked, "Why do you want to go there?", "Well", she said, "I've never been!"
     
  10. ancoats

    ancoats

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