joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. solley attwell

    solley attwell

    Joined:
    9 Jan 2009
    Messages:
    986
    My son went to his career guidance teacher and told him when leaves school he wants to run his own carpet cleaning company. The career guidance teacher said don't bother 'you no good at mats'
     
  2. oakiecokie

    oakiecokie

    Joined:
    29 Jan 2010
    Messages:
    34,711
    Location:
    Its Guinness time any day of the week.
    ... now I`m a bog cleaner,I couldn`t leave her ...
     
  3. Zubrman

    Zubrman

    Joined:
    25 Aug 2008
    Messages:
    3,419
    Location:
    OAP section
    .. till I dried.
     
    oakiecokie likes this.
  4. NorCalBlue

    NorCalBlue

    Joined:
    12 Jan 2010
    Messages:
    3,710
    Location:
    Northern California
    We absolutely fucking are.
     
  5. Big Swifty

    Big Swifty

    Joined:
    8 Nov 2011
    Messages:
    2,022
    Went to see the doctor

    Me: I can't stop singing Delilah.
    Doc. Sounds like you have Tom Jones syndrome.
    Me: Is that very common?
    Doc: It's not unusual......

    I know, I know...
     
    mac likes this.
  6. denislawsbackheel

    denislawsbackheel

    Joined:
    28 May 2008
    Messages:
    12,660
    We got it first time.
     
  7. Big Swifty

    Big Swifty

    Joined:
    8 Nov 2011
    Messages:
    2,022
    This guy in the pub was looking a bit down, so I asked him what was up He said:
    "It's my lad. He's in trouble for getting a girl in his class to give him a blow job. I told him he'd better watch out, or he won't be allowed to carry on teaching at all..."
     
  8. blue44

    blue44

    Joined:
    20 Jun 2009
    Messages:
    1,358
    Location:
    Ashton-u-lyne,Manchester.Block 318
    Team supported:
    St Marks West Gorton
    Jesus christ
    i got so sunburned yesterday I'm having to take viagra for it
    it doesn't cure it but it keeps the sheets off my legs when i sleep
     
    1.618034 and BlueMojito like this.
  9. meltonblue

    meltonblue

    Joined:
    14 May 2013
    Messages:
    630
    A pirate goes to the doctors,

    "Thar be strange moles on me back"

    Doctor says “they’re benign"

    "Check again matey, I think thar be ten"...
     
  10. LWashington

    LWashington

    Joined:
    24 Mar 2015
    Messages:
    6,744
    Location:
    Just on the border of your waking mind.
    Dave goes to the doctors and says "Doc,I have a problem I have no patience with people, quickly become angry and end up swearing at them".
    The Doctor says "Well Dave, I want you to tell me all about it".
    "I just did, you fucking thick cunt!!", screams Dave.
     
    Last edited: 5 Jul 2019

Share This Page