joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. PannickAtTheDisco

    PannickAtTheDisco

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    Coronavirus came away from the red carpet disappointed as it failed to win any Oscars.

    They all went to Ebola la land.
     
  2. sir baconface

    sir baconface

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    Not in my lifetime.
    £5 offered. No strings attached.
     
  3. TFC

    TFC

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    Oh Manchester, is wonderful....
    There were three sisters, Ann, Janet and Fanny.

    While Ann and Janet were on a double date, their dates commented on how big the girls feet were.

    Ann said "that's nothing, you should see our Fanny's, they're massive".
     
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  4. EastStandLower

    EastStandLower

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    Last year I raised money for charity by sitting in a bath full of Indian food.
    I won’t be doing that again in a curry.
     
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  5. jimharri

    jimharri

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    My wife came home to find me in the kitchen cooking a lovely dinner, candlelit table and place settings for two. "Oh this is a surprise," she said.

    "Too fucking right it is," I replied, "I didn't expect you back till Monday."
     
  6. Mid Wales blue

    Mid Wales blue

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    I hope they rise to the challenge of finding new jobs, and prove themselves in their new rolls, any job will do as long as they can earn a fair crust!
     
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  7. I was just about to post that joke. Now I’ve got a cob on.
     
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  8. EastStandLower

    EastStandLower

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    Barmy
     
  9. lefty goldblatt

    lefty goldblatt

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    Use your loaf
     
  10. Vicious111

    Vicious111

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    A couple attending an art exhibition at the National Gallery were staring at a portrait that had them completely confused. The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench. Two of the figures had black penises, but the one in the middle had a pink penis.

    The curator of the gallery realised that they were having trouble interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for nearly half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of Afro-Americans in a predominantly white, patriarchal society. "In fact," he pointed out "some serious critics believe that the pink penis also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society.

    "After the curator left, a Scottish man approached the couple and said, "Would you like to know what the painting is really about?" "Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of the gallery.?" asked the couple. " Because I`m the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact there's no African-Americans depicted at all. They`re just three Scottish coal miners and the guy in the middle went home for lunch.
     

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