joke thread....

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by citymantop, 28 Jan 2014.

  1. PannickAtTheDisco

    PannickAtTheDisco

    Joined:
    13 Dec 2016
    Messages:
    12,788
    Location:
    not at CAS
    A man walked into a bar and drank a bottle of Corona.

    Afterwards he felt ill and went to the doctor and handed him the bottle.

    He said "Doctor, I think I've caught Coronavirus from this".

    The doctor ran some tests and came back with the results.

    "Upon reflection, sir, you appear to have Lime's Disease".
     
  2. dickie davies

    dickie davies

    Joined:
    25 Sep 2010
    Messages:
    7,806
    Location:
    Fuck VAR
    Man walks into a pub and says "give me a pint of anything but not Stella"
    The barman replied "What's wrong with Stella?"
    Bloke says"I had 12 pints yesterday and when I came round I was fucking skint "
    The barman smiled and said "12 pints of any beer products would cost about the same "
    Bloke replied 'Skint is my dog"
     
  3. BackofJeanette

    BackofJeanette

    Joined:
    20 Apr 2011
    Messages:
    1,344
    A scouser goes on the Antiques Roadshow with a very rare vase.

    Fiona Bruce says " this is an extremely rare vase, how did you acquire it?"

    Scouser says " it was handed down to me!"

    Fiona says " where from?"

    " an upstairs window " he replies!
     
    Blue Maverick likes this.

    ADVERTISEMENT

  4. BackofJeanette

    BackofJeanette

    Joined:
    20 Apr 2011
    Messages:
    1,344
    Went to the record shop earlier.
    " Can I have a copy of 'You'll never find another love like mine'
    Guy says " sorry mate, all gone!"
    " Ok how about Lady Love?"
    " None left"
    "Have you got
    'Stop me from starting this feeling'!"
    Again he replied
    " Sorry mate but we've totally sold out of Lou Rawls!"
     
    Last edited: 8 Mar 2020
    1.618034 and roypaulknewmyfather like this.
  5. EastStandLower

    EastStandLower

    Joined:
    15 Jan 2009
    Messages:
    567
    Location:
    Block 212
    A friend of mine tried to annoy me with his bird puns, but he soon realised that toucan play at that game.
     
  6. crazyg

    crazyg

    Joined:
    3 Jun 2009
    Messages:
    8,632
    Location:
    Woodley by the sea, Stockport
    You made a tit of him then?
     
  7. DazWA9

    DazWA9

    Joined:
    27 Jan 2020
    Messages:
    327
    According to reports, John Travolta has been admitted to hospital with suspected Covid-19, the hospital states that it's just saturday night fever, but he is staying alive!
    They thought at first by the way he walks, he's a Wuhan man, no time to talk. But now they're saying he’s got the chills, they’re multiplying.
     
  8. Indaparkside

    Indaparkside

    Joined:
    28 Dec 2015
    Messages:
    8,838
    Had an Indian last night left the rest on the table till morning as I’d had too much, woke up this morning to find it gone the dog on the floor on his back with his paws in the air, vets just been out he said don’t worry he’ll recover apparently he was only in a korma
     
  9. Blue Maverick

    Blue Maverick

    Joined:
    6 Aug 2010
    Messages:
    10,746
    That must be hard to swallow
     
  10. Indaparkside

    Indaparkside

    Joined:
    28 Dec 2015
    Messages:
    8,838
    What are you crowing on about
     

Share This Page