An Englishman Scotsman and Irishman in a pub talking about their sons.
The Englishman says "My son was born on St George's Day, so we named him George"
The Scotsman says "Well, my son was born on St Andrew's Day, we named him Andrew"
The Irishman says "I can't believe it fellas, just wait till I introduce you to our Pancake"
I went to Glasgow to see @Magicpole at his cake shop. I asked him “is that a custard or a meringue?” He said “no you’re not wrong, it’s a custard!”I was doing a crossword in the pub and said to Magicpole , "I'm stuck on one, trapped on a desert island, eight letters, starting with M." He said, "Marooned." I said, "Thanks, I'll have a pint of lager then!"
This is just the joke to push last weekend's trip to Haringay a ittle further down the line!!Reminded me of this one.
On the first day of nursery the teacher is meeting with the parents and children.
The teacher says to one girl, "What's your name?"
"Penny" replies the girl.
"Your mum named you Penny because she's obsessed with money". says the teacher.
Then she sees two twins and asks "What's your names?"
"I'm Olive and this is my sister Peaches", says one of the twins.
"You mum gave you those names because she's addicted to food", says the teacher.
The teacher then looks at a little boy but before she can ask his name his mum says
"Come on Dick we're leaving".
:-|Dave and Steve are in a pub in Manchester, having a half pint each and skint. A bloke walks in with a lovely ten kilo salmon, he hands it to the landlord who gives him £20, Steve asks "where did you get that from? The fella said there's a steam that runs by the pub and his mate dangles him over a bridge by his legs until he sees a fish, he grabs the prey and his mate drags him back by his legs, easy money.
Steve and Dave go outside, find a bridge and Steve dangles Dave over the side. Two hours later, they're still there Steve's arms are killing him, he's knackered and ready to give up, all of a sudden Dave shouts "Steve, pull me up quick" Steve says, "thank fuck have you caught a fish? Dave replies "no, there's a fucking train coming straight at me".
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