Barcon
Well-Known Member
Beats nephew.
Joke thread
- Thread starter mrcunny
- Start date
PannickAtTheDisco
Well-Known Member
another reason why it's a joke...
All these jokes remind me of Colleen Rooney, just fuckn stupid.
Bill Walker
Well-Known Member
The fire brigade has told the local Zoo to stop letting the monkeys cook their own food.
After three chimp pan fires in one week.
After three chimp pan fires in one week.
M
M
manchester blue
Guest
I knew there'd come a day when there's no new jokes that could be made up!!
I'm still nicking it though.
LWashington
Well-Known Member
They've also stopped the donkeys having fireworks on Bonfire night, after the huge ass explosion two weeks ago.
jimharri
Moderator
Paddy and Mick grew up together. They decided to head to the UK for the craic and maybe find a bit of work.
After a few weeks Mick got a job as a plumber and Paddy went training in the Army. On one particular day Paddy was up on a plane getting ready for his first solo parachute jump.
"Jump out of the door, shout Geronimo and pull the rip cord" the instructor told him. His turn duly came, he jumped out the door of the plane, shouted Geronimo and pulled the ripcord but his chute didnt open. Pulled it harder but no good.
As he was free falling he saw a bright flash on the ground and something appeared to be approaching him from the ground at speed.
As it approached it appeared to be a man. It was Mick.
"Jaysus Mick, do ya know anything about parachutes?" Paddy shouted.
"Not a bloody thing." Mick replied as they passed each other. "Do you know anything about gas boilers?"
After a few weeks Mick got a job as a plumber and Paddy went training in the Army. On one particular day Paddy was up on a plane getting ready for his first solo parachute jump.
"Jump out of the door, shout Geronimo and pull the rip cord" the instructor told him. His turn duly came, he jumped out the door of the plane, shouted Geronimo and pulled the ripcord but his chute didnt open. Pulled it harder but no good.
As he was free falling he saw a bright flash on the ground and something appeared to be approaching him from the ground at speed.
As it approached it appeared to be a man. It was Mick.
"Jaysus Mick, do ya know anything about parachutes?" Paddy shouted.
"Not a bloody thing." Mick replied as they passed each other. "Do you know anything about gas boilers?"
LWashington
Well-Known Member
A man and his wife purchase a new dog. When they get it home it tries to bite them and nothing seems to stop it.
After trying everything they decide to take it back. Just as they are getting ready it attacks the woman and she grabs its head to stop it biting her and accidentally puts her fingers in its ear sockets. It stops attacking and starts to fuss her. The man says "That's amazing" and the dog turns to attack him, but he does the same thing and as soon as he puts his fingers in its ears it becomes his friend.
Just then they see their friend Colin walking up the path towards the house. The dog sees him too and bolts out of the open front door and runs up to attack him.
They both shout "Colin hold the ear holes ...... it bites".
After trying everything they decide to take it back. Just as they are getting ready it attacks the woman and she grabs its head to stop it biting her and accidentally puts her fingers in its ear sockets. It stops attacking and starts to fuss her. The man says "That's amazing" and the dog turns to attack him, but he does the same thing and as soon as he puts his fingers in its ears it becomes his friend.
Just then they see their friend Colin walking up the path towards the house. The dog sees him too and bolts out of the open front door and runs up to attack him.
They both shout "Colin hold the ear holes ...... it bites".
Last edited:
dronefromsector7G
Well-Known Member
I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he'd had... He started counting but he fell asleep!