Joke thread

[Big Swifty]

Paddy asks Mick "How did you get on last night at that faith-healing group meeting?"

Mick: "It was crap. Even the feller in the wheelchair got up and walked out"

 

[AlexWilliamsGloves]

3 Mancs in a bar.

Dave says "My locals better than this, in my local you buy 2 drinks and the 3rd drink free"

Steve says "Well in my local you buy 1 drink and you get the 2nd free"

Brian says "That`s nothing in my local you buy the 1st drink then the 2ND, 3RD, 4TH, 5TH, 6TH, 7TH are free. Then you go out the back and get a shag"

Wow says the other two, "has that actually happened to you?"

No says Brian "but it happened to my sister.

:-|

 

[Ifwecouldjust.......]

Jesus invited Prostitutes to dine with him and , there you go, he's the light of the world.


I suggest doing it for Christmas, and Im ''making it awkward''

 

[LWashington]

Phoned babestation the other night and got through to the girl on screen.

Hi babe, what can I do for you?

I'd disappear for ten minutes if I were you, my girlfriends on her way over and I've lost the remote.

Or you could have said "Open your legs, give us a close up, and masturbate with squirting". Your girlfriend would then have just thought it was Jamie Carragher analysing the Liverpool game.

 

[1.618034]

Or you could have said "Open your legs, give us a close up, and masturbate with squirting". Your girlfriend would then have just thought it was Jamie Carragher analysing the Liverpool game.

Or just pull the plug out...

 

[Barcon]

Or just pull the plug out...

Or chloroform the girlfriend at the door.

 

[kippax4ever]

Jesus invited Prostitutes to dine with him and , there you go, he's the light of the world.


I suggest doing it for Christmas, and Im ''making it awkward''

Am sorry am not pissed dont do drugs
But wtf,
Did you miss bits out???

 

[Uwe Already]

My grief councillor died yesterday - he was so good I couldn’t give a shit

 

[Bill Walker]

At weekend my son asked me if I would buy him a new bike. I said “Son, if you really want something in life you have to work for it."

Then I told him to be quiet because they were just about to announce the lottery numbers!!..

 

[Bill Walker]

I’ve just seen a woman get really upset at the petrol station.

She just started filling up