Joke

[scorer]

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sue.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Jo. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the
cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a
peaceful death. What about you?
2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected
that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in
the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den
watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?
2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there
somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into
the attic and searched,and down into the
basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under
all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I
became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart
attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

 

[scorer]

A guy stuck his head into a barber shop and asked, 'How long before
I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop full of
customers and said, 'About 2 hours.' The guy left.

A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?'
The barber looked around at the shop and said, 'About 3 hours.' The guy
left.

A week later the same guy stuck his head in the shop and asked, 'How
long before I can get a haircut?' The barber looked around the shop and
said, 'About an hour only. 'The guy left. The barber turned to a friend
and said, 'Hey, Bill, do me a favour, Follow that guy and see where he
goes.

He keeps asking how long he has to wait for a haircut, but then he
doesn't ever come back'. A little while later, Bill returned to the
shop, laughing hysterically. The barber asked, 'So where does that guy
go when he leaves?' Bill looked up, tears in his eyes and said,


'To see your wife.'

 

[scorer]

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are the seven dwarfs, they are immediately ushered in to see the Pope.
Grumpy leads the pack.


'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'What can I do for you?'


Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf
nuns in Rome ?'


The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment
and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome .'


In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling.


Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.


Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all
of Europe ?'


The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers,
'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe .


'This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.


Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry
glare.


Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns
anywhere in the world?'


The Pope, really confused by the questions says, 'I'm sorry, my
son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.'


The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing,
pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin
chanting......

'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'
'Grumpy shagged a penguin!'

 

[scorer]

A little boy killed a butterfly. His dad said "No butter for 2 weeks!". He then killed a honey bee. His dad said "No honey either for 2 weeks!"

Later the little boys' mom was in the garden and she trod on a cockroach. The little boy looked at his dad and said "Do you wanna tell her or shall I!!?"

 

[Bluemoon115]

Booooooooooooooooooooooooo


GET OFF THE STAGE!!!!


:)

 

[honkytonkman187]

bloke goes to the Doctor and says, "my hearing it getting worse and worse - it's terrible!"

doc says, "and what are the symptoms?"

bloke replies "yellow people on the telly - Homer's my favourite!"

 

[honkytonkman187]

I went to the barber's this morning.
he said "you're going bald"

I said "get a f#cking move on, then"

 

[scorer]

Booooooooooooooooooooooooo


GET OFF THE STAGE!!!!


:)

It's the way I type them....

:O)

 

[kronkonite]

2 nuns driving and a vampire jumps on the bonnett
"Quick" said the nun driving, "Show him your cross"
she leans out the window and shouts "Get off my fucking car!!!"

 

[quiet_riot]

bloke goes to the Doctor and says, "my hearing it getting worse and worse - it's terrible!"

doc says, "and what are the symptoms?"

bloke replies "yellow people on the telly - Homer's my favourite!"

Fuck me! Tea came out of my nose!