Jokes!

[steaob]

Boy: Dad, what's politics?

Dad: Let me set an example with our family. I have all the money so we'll call me the management. Mom receives most of it so we'll call her the government. We'll call the maid the working class, you are the people, and your baby brother is the future. Do you understand now son?

Boy: I still don't understand dad.

Dad: Think about it for a while son.

That night the boy wakes up because his baby brother is crying. He goes in and finds out he's soiled his diapers. He goes to tell his mom but she's asleep he goes in to the maids room but she's in there having sex with his dad. He bangs on the door but no one can here him.

The next day...

Son: Dad I understand politics now.

Dad: Good, explain it to me in your own words son.

Son: The management is screwing the working class while the government's fast asleep. The people are being ignored and the future is full of SHIT!

Some of your own?????

 

[Hession_blue4life]

I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone.
I said "morning."

He replied, "No, just having a shit."

.....................

I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me...

Oi whats your disability?

I said "Tourettes! now fuck off you ****!"

..............................

We call our grandad "Spiderman".

He hasn't got any super powers - he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.

.........................


Man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is lying in bed reading.

Man says, "This is the pig I have sex with when you've got a headache."

Wife replies, "I think you'll find that is a sheep."

Man replies, "I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

 

[Bucharest Blue]

So I said "Do you want a game of Darts?", he said "OK then", I said "Nearest to bull starts". He said "Baa", I said "Moo", he said "You're closest".

 

[Bucharest Blue]

The other day I sent my girlfriend a huge pile of snow. I rang her up, I said "Did you get my drift?

 

[Bucharest Blue]

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays!

on a roll!! god im good!!

 

[Bozo]

Young Joe loved Tractors.
He had tractor DVDs, Tractor posters, Tractor bed covers, EVERYTHING. He just loved Tractors.
One day he was walking down the road, when of all things, a Tractor came and hit him. It broke his leg, and he was in hospital for 6 months.
When he came out of hospital, he forgot about Tractors, he was fed up with them.

Many years later, he was in a pub, full of smokers, creating a fog of smoke! He saw a woman in the corner crying. He walked up to her and said 'What's up?!'
She replied - 'Oh, it's just all this smoke, it's getting in my eyes and it stings!'
Joe said - 'One second, watch this'

Then Joe took in a deep breath, and inhaled all the smoke in the pub, walked outside and blowed it away!!!
He came back in and the woman said - 'THAT'S AMAZING!!! How did you ever do that?!'
Joe replied...
'Well....i'm an extractor fan'

 

[jimharri]

So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?". He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays!

on a roll!! god im good!!

You reckon?