Life without kids??

Swings and roundabouts

I have two kids aged 19 and 20. Both city mad and we go the games together. Having that connection has made us closer. I had the same with my dad.

I know people without kids who would not have it any other way.

I know people mainly at work with no kids who by the sound of it live boring lives

I also know others with kids who find it hard work
 
mayo31 said:
Swings and roundabouts

I have two kids aged 19 and 20. Both city mad and we go the games together. Having that connection has made us closer. I had the same with my dad.

I know people without kids who would not have it any other way.

I know people mainly at work with no kids who by the sound of it live boring lives

I also know others with kids who find it hard work
Click to expand...

Been a good thread this and this post sums it up well. Pluses and minus to having kids and no right or wrong answer it would seem. Each to their own.
 
RACHACE said:
A bit of a spin off from the too old thread but has anybody on here decided against having children?

Do you feel fulfilled?
Was it a joint decision with your partner?
Do you regret it?

I'm in a situation where in general I've always said that I don't want to have children. On the odd occasion my missus and I have "romanticised" about the prospect but in the end always decided that they are not for us.

Been with my missus over 10 years and in that time the subject has come up id say no mote than 3-4 times and never seriously either until now.

My wife wants us to try but I'm still seeing my future without children and looking forward to it too. However, I love her to bits and want get to be happy and it's very hard to basically tell her that she won't be a mother married to me.

Bit of a dilemma but I believe that if you both don't want children then you shouldn't have them.

In her defence she's never once demanded we try but I know she's feeling sad at the moment because I'm not willing to try.

So are kids really all that?
Click to expand...

I know how much having children means to my girlfriend so I know we'll end up having them. I do think there is a good case to not have kids as well though and if you aren't madly convinced it's worth considering.

One of the main things that would put me off having children is how horrible the world is. I don't know if I'd want to bring someone I'd love so much into a world that's obsessed with terrorism, poverty, rape and sexual abuse. I'd spend most of my waking hours worrying about him/her. There are plenty of children who, through no fault of their own, have been put up for adoption and could do with a new, loving family - if you ever change your mind there are other options as opposed to having genetically related children, so I don't necessarily buy into this idea of waking up one day when it's too late.

On the other hand, I've met good parents and people who're probably not fit to have kids. The one thing they all have in common is how much they love their children. It something that I'd regret never 'knowing', I think. My mum's neighbors are a good example for you. They're both single children themselves, they decided against having kids and any family they did have are either dead or living abroad now. They're both retired and have a lovely house, nice holidays, lot's of money - but they still get upset at Christmas when they have no family to spend the time with. They have no-one who's going to support them through illness/death. There won't be many people at their funeral. It's quite an upsetting reality for them. Unfortunately for her she did actually want to have children, but she couldn't as this was way before IVF etc.
 
One of the best threads on here in a while this. Mrs TFC and I have been together for 14 years now and until a couple of years ago not a sniff of wanting a sprog. I will be honest and admit that personally I would have regretted if we hadnt tried at some point, but there was no way I was going to pressure her into it cos even though shes a pain in my arse I'm in it for the long haul. I dont feel like it would have damaged the relationship if she hadnt wanted to try, not on my end anyway. Couple of years ago the conversation came up again (instigated by the wife) and we ended up having our little man around Christmas last year when I was 39 and she was 35.

I can definitely say kids are not for everyone, but I feel like I had a good balance of living my life (travelling, watching City etc) when I was in my 20's and 30's and now I'll concentrate on being the best Dad I can be for the next how many years before I can kick him out the house ;)
 
Some really good replies and good perspectives from both sides of the arguement.

I'm gonna let the dust settle on it and see how this affects the missus over the coming months.

My boss has sent me a spreadsheet with what my wages would be based on doing a 4 on 4 off shift as this would be the preferred shift pattern if we go down the kid route and I'd lose a significant amount of my wage that I'm used too but I am doing a hell of a lot of hours with time away from home currently where the new shift pattern would have me home a lot more.

It does seem that plenty of blokes in particular could have gone either way but then looking back they're very glad that their children came along. It's just two totally different lives altogether.

I do worry about how my wife will be when she's 50/60 and her mum is no longer with us. Me & her for the most part rattling about in our house. It'd be nice and quiet and I'd enjoy it but would she truly be happy? I'm not so sure she would and that would really make me feel bad. I love the thought of holidays, freedom, money in the bank etc etc but I don't like the thought of her potentially being sad or even lonely when she's older.

It's very hard to be so hard faced about a decision like this with someone you love when you know there's the potential for her to be miserable when she gets older. A few months ago she never gave the impression that she'd want kids, in fact she rarely wanted to spend time in anybody's company that had them. But boom out of the blue there's talk of family home, more modest living and not feeling lonely (should I pass) etc.

I'm defo gonna enjoy next season that's for sure as it could be my last!!
 
Sounds like you really love her, hope you work it out and have a wonderful life together,whatever the future holds. Keep us posted in the future. We'll all be wondering whatever happened to...is there a baby blue? One big happy family :)
 
BlueMojito said:
Sounds like you really love her, hope you work it out and have a wonderful life together,whatever the future holds. Keep us posted in the future. We'll all be wondering whatever happened to...is there a baby blue? One big happy family :)
Click to expand...

Cheers blue. And thanks for all replies. Really enjoyed reading the differing perspectives.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Unread Posts

Don't have an account? Register now and see fewer ads!

SIGN UP
Back
Top
✖
  AdBlock Detected
Bluemoon relies on advertising to pay our hosting fees. Please support the site by disabling your ad blocking software to help keep the forum sustainable. Thanks.