Life without kids??

The only time I ever regret not having kids is when I have to go out and mow the lawn, shovel the snow off our 140' of pavement or have to get up to grab myself a beer.
Then when I tell my mates that have kids this they just laugh at me and say, "yeah, like they do any of that".
 
I think a lot of men can take them or leave em. Most of my mates had kids cos their wives wanted one/some. They didn't have a burning desire and most of them other than a couple of weeks in the sun as a family do little with them as they get older.

The part time role suited me with my son when he was young. Had him 3 nights a week most weeks, called him every day I didn't see him and we have a great relationship. Still had 4 nights to do what I wanted until the youngest came along when he was almost 17 after getting remarried. Not had the same luxury for the last 5 years and it has been much much harder in my 40's than it was in my 20's.
 
Some really interesting replies on a topic that is quite personal really so cheers for speaking out whether you want kids, have kids or don't give a toss about having kids.

One of the things that has been mentioned is that my relationship is likely to go tits up if she want's kids but I don't, someone even mentioned an example where someone actually ended the relationship so that his other half could go and have kids!! That seems a bit extreme and does not mirror the situation I'm in right here right now. I'm 34 and my wife is 36 in November, we've been together over 10 years and have rarely spoken about having kids and in fact our life together hasn't been lived in a way, had you been planning to have kids. Our jobs are stress free, our financial situation is stress free and we have both really enjoyed our lives over the last 10 years.

Only recently was a serious conversation where she said that she felt that she'd regret at least not trying. I listened and I felt like shit because I couldn't agree with her as I don't see kids enhancing our lives yet she obviously does now.

She has however stressed that it's not a case of her just wanting to be a mother, it's for me & her to raise a family of our own and that if I'm not on board then it's a fact in life that she'd just have to accept. She has also said that she does love her life with it being just us, having the freedom to do what we want, when we want and that if it doesn't happen for us then she wouldn't allow any regret she may have consume our relationship as she knew 10 years ago that kids weren't for me. However no matter what she says, ever since the serious conversation about kids I feel like a right twat as I'm potentially stopping her from having something that could be far more rewarding for her than anything I could offer.

I'm not looking for advice or answers really. Just wondering if anybody else has ever been in a situation similar to this.

All I know is that the prospect of being a father doesn't appeal to me for whatever reason but my wife's happiness is something that does. Yet she has stressed that us breaking up over this isn't something she'd want and it's a life with me that she wants over everything. (This us based on now though, a year, 18 months, 2 years down the line that could be different)
 
RACHACE said:
Some really interesting replies on a topic that is quite personal really so cheers for speaking out whether you want kids, have kids or don't give a toss about having kids.

One of the things that has been mentioned is that my relationship is likely to go tits up if she want's kids but I don't, someone even mentioned an example where someone actually ended the relationship so that his other half could go and have kids!! That seems a bit extreme and does not mirror the situation I'm in right here right now. I'm 34 and my wife is 36 in November, we've been together over 10 years and have rarely spoken about having kids and in fact our life together hasn't been lived in a way, had you been planning to have kids. Our jobs are stress free, our financial situation is stress free and we have both really enjoyed our lives over the last 10 years.

Only recently was a serious conversation where she said that she felt that she'd regret at least not trying. I listened and I felt like shit because I couldn't agree with her as I don't see kids enhancing our lives yet she obviously does now.

She has however stressed that it's not a case of her just wanting to be a mother, it's for me & her to raise a family of our own and that if I'm not on board then it's a fact in life that she'd just have to accept. She has also said that she does love her life with it being just us, having the freedom to do what we want, when we want and that if it doesn't happen for us then she wouldn't allow any regret she may have consume our relationship as she knew 10 years ago that kids weren't for me. However no matter what she says, ever since the serious conversation about kids I feel like a right twat as I'm potentially stopping her from having something that could be far more rewarding for her than anything I could offer.

I'm not looking for advice or answers really. Just wondering if anybody else has ever been in a situation similar to this.

All I know is that the prospect of being a father doesn't appeal to me for whatever reason but my wife's happiness is something that does. Yet she has stressed that us breaking up over this isn't something she'd want and it's a life with me that she wants over everything. (This us based on now though, a year, 18 months, 2 years down the line that could be different)
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Just get shagging and see what happens.
 
This is such a personal decision, as there is no half way house, in that you either get pregnant or not. Either way one of you may come to regret the decision either way. Ask yourself what you love/ value more, your wife with the chance you can try and see what happens, or not to try to keep you status quo, but for how long if ultimately the underlying issue tears you apart. All I can is that in a previous relationship my other half didn't want children and so I went along as I thought the other half was my everything. However, cheated on me and to cut a long story short after time alone I fell in love. Now have two daughters who together with my new other half are really my everything. Realise now the previous was shallow and id have settled for that as I thought at the time that it was great
Now I realise what I could have missed, think long and hard, the future can still be great with children, maybe even better than you think it is now. Love of children is unique, a real joy.
 
RACHACE said:
Some really interesting replies on a topic that is quite personal really so cheers for speaking out whether you want kids, have kids or don't give a toss about having kids.

One of the things that has been mentioned is that my relationship is likely to go tits up if she want's kids but I don't, someone even mentioned an example where someone actually ended the relationship so that his other half could go and have kids!! That seems a bit extreme and does not mirror the situation I'm in right here right now. I'm 34 and my wife is 36 in November, we've been together over 10 years and have rarely spoken about having kids and in fact our life together hasn't been lived in a way, had you been planning to have kids. Our jobs are stress free, our financial situation is stress free and we have both really enjoyed our lives over the last 10 years.

Only recently was a serious conversation where she said that she felt that she'd regret at least not trying. I listened and I felt like shit because I couldn't agree with her as I don't see kids enhancing our lives yet she obviously does now.

She has however stressed that it's not a case of her just wanting to be a mother, it's for me & her to raise a family of our own and that if I'm not on board then it's a fact in life that she'd just have to accept. She has also said that she does love her life with it being just us, having the freedom to do what we want, when we want and that if it doesn't happen for us then she wouldn't allow any regret she may have consume our relationship as she knew 10 years ago that kids weren't for me. However no matter what she says, ever since the serious conversation about kids I feel like a right twat as I'm potentially stopping her from having something that could be far more rewarding for her than anything I could offer.

I'm not looking for advice or answers really. Just wondering if anybody else has ever been in a situation similar to this.

All I know is that the prospect of being a father doesn't appeal to me for whatever reason but my wife's happiness is something that does. Yet she has stressed that us breaking up over this isn't something she'd want and it's a life with me that she wants over everything. (This us based on now though, a year, 18 months, 2 years down the line that could be different)
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Sounds like you have to decide if having kids is a deal breaker or not,if you really don't want them then you have a problem as she is making all the right noises to wanting one,if it helps i know men who have been reluctant dads and don't regret it at all,you love your own child
 
JoeMercer'sWay said:
I'm a son who had to put up with a part-time dad at best.
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Sorry to hear your dad couldn't be arsed. Two sides to every story - glad to say I have kept a great relationship as a part time dad with my kids. Had them at least 3 nights per week since they were 1 and 4 and couldn't be closer to them.
 
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RACHACE said:
Only recently was a serious conversation where she said that she felt that she'd regret at least not trying. I listened and I felt like shit because I couldn't agree with her as I don't see kids enhancing our lives yet she obviously does now.
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Honestly I'm gonna sound like a proper know it all dick here, but I don't think you're listening to her. After ten years of a brilliant relationship and no intention of starting a family, at 36 she has dropped the bombshell that she would regret not trying. She's already told you what she wants to do but she's scared that you don't feel the same. As the next year or two passes her feelings are only gonna get stronger. I think you're gonna reach a cross road at some point and if I were you I'd be preparing for a proper cards on the table conversation.
 
jay_mcfc said:
Honestly I'm gonna sound like a proper know it all dick here, but I don't think you're listening to her. After ten years of a brilliant relationship and no intention of starting a family, at 36 she has dropped the bombshell that she would regret not trying. She's already told you what she wants to do but she's scared that you don't feel the same. As the next year or two passes her feelings are only gonna get stronger. I think you're gonna reach a cross road at some point and if I were you I'd be preparing for a proper cards on the table conversation.
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With that in mind - why is the socially acceptable solution to @RACHACE 's problem to 'give in' and have kid/s? That would mean him compromising. Very rarely do you hear that the woman has compromised by not having any?
 
quiet_riot said:
With that in mind - why is the socially acceptable solution to @RACHACE 's problem to 'give in' and have kid/s? That would mean him compromising. Very rarely do you hear that the woman has compromised by not having any?
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Everyone has a right to have or not to have kids, it's a matter of choice. But it's mother nature that makes the woman the powerful one. Can you imagine the worldwide population if having kids was solely down to whether or not the man wanted them? It would certainly end the immigration issue in a lot of places.

Anyway, as someone else has said in this thread, eventually if the woman starts to want to have kids then that desire will only keep on strengthening until she has them. I have no idea if his missus has got to that point yet but if she's already said she would regret not at least trying to have kids then I would suggest that the ball is rolling and the clock is ticking. In these situations, and I'm speaking generally here, if the woman wants kids and the father not then if he truly loved her he would let her move on (not saying that's the case in this particular situation).
 
quiet_riot said:
With that in mind - why is the socially acceptable solution to @RACHACE 's problem to 'give in' and have kid/s? That would mean him compromising. Very rarely do you hear that the woman has compromised by not having any?
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Women are programmed to have kids,most of them,our hormones are geared to get pregnant and there is an aching desire to have them if you want them so it's not a case of not having them,most women need a baby,many walk away and have kids with someone else
 
quiet_riot said:
With that in mind - why is the socially acceptable solution to @RACHACE 's problem to 'give in' and have kid/s? That would mean him compromising. Very rarely do you hear that the woman has compromised by not having any?
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this, and then it'll end up in divorce (if married) where she nicks everything anyway because she needs coats etc. Then he suffers severe depression after losing everything and is found in a garage or a river in a superhero costume. Then she'll complain to her coffee morning mums that she wishes she'd taken out life insurance on him.
 
jay_mcfc said:
Honestly I'm gonna sound like a proper know it all dick here, but I don't think you're listening to her. After ten years of a brilliant relationship and no intention of starting a family, at 36 she has dropped the bombshell that she would regret not trying. She's already told you what she wants to do but she's scared that you don't feel the same. As the next year or two passes her feelings are only gonna get stronger. I think you're gonna reach a cross road at some point and if I were you I'd be preparing for a proper cards on the table conversation.
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You don't sound like a know it all dick. Your probably right in what your saying.

Thing is, I've not buried my head in the sand on this and assumed it's a phase she's going through. I've tried to really speak to her about it as I know from how she was that this is something that she's really struggling with because she's never felt this way before. It's almost like a switch has been flicked and she's now become very maternal despite her being quite forthright and comfortable with us planning a life without kids.

It's a proper elephant in the room at this moment though as were quite far apart on our thoughts on this.
 
JoeMercer'sWay said:
this, and then it'll end up in divorce (if married) where she nicks everything anyway because she needs coats etc. Then he suffers severe depression after losing everything and is found in a garage or a river in a superhero costume. Then she'll complain to her coffee morning mums that she wishes she'd taken out life insurance on him.
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Lol
 
RACHACE said:
You don't sound like a know it all dick. Your probably right in what your saying.

Thing is, I've not buried my head in the sand on this and assumed it's a phase she's going through. I've tried to really speak to her about it as I know from how she was that this is something that she's really struggling with because she's never felt this way before. It's almost like a switch has been flicked and she's now become very maternal despite her being quite forthright and comfortable with us planning a life without kids.

It's a proper elephant in the room at this moment though as were quite far apart on our thoughts on this.
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Mother nature mate. It's a wild beast.
 
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