My head is in bits

Can I ask a question?


What about her parents, especially her father, do they know about all this and what do they think?

I'm wondering if this might be a big factor in her thinking
 
A touch simplistic maybe but my outlook is this - Bag it, Bin it & Move on.

You could be chasing your tail with this girl and she will only bring you more heartache in the long run from the sounds of things.

Go out with your mates and watch City - They will always be there for you whatever!
 
If she feels as u do in your op then she can't mean it. Give her some time.

It is concerning that she can end it so quick at the request of her weirdo ex.
 
MCFC-alan88 said:
She's weak(for now,because her mind is all over), he knows how to play her. You did nothing wrong. He is extremely out of order.

it's wrong what she did, he knows how to manipulate her.
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this 100%^^^^^ all you can do i still be there "for whenever" i feel there may be a few more twists in this, so be patient.they may jump back into the deep end realize why they broke up and leave it at that.

imagine how heart broken me and stuuuuuu are feeling right now toma,after you "coming out" that you re straight!!! 4 months of hard work down the drain buddy,all that bluemoon grooming and for what!!!?! waste of time :D only kidding mate! i m sure all will work out, you are a top bloke and we all wish you well mate!
 
I'll echo what DH just said.

You're a smart guy, LT. You know the best move, really. Half of the board is saying go down and 'take what's yours'. You had what was yours, mate. A summer you won't forget.

And, more importantly, nor will she.

The thing is, fighting (literally) for something SHE gave up on is not going to solve anything. It can only tarnish the memory and bitterness ensues.

It might hurt, but IF she'll be with you, she will find the path back to you.

That's if you wait.

And who can blame you if don't...?
 
Slightly different take on things here. Firstly you or her didn't do anything wrong by getting closer etc. He is clearly wrong for making her choose, HOWEVER, he was/is desperate to get back with her and as they say desperate times call for desperate measures. Now ideally he should have stepped back and let everyone get on with their lives but is he not just fighting for someone he loves?

I deffo wouldn't go down there yet, things are too complicated at the moment. Give it a couple of weeks, make contact again and take it slowly and see how things pan out. Maybe if you fight for it as he did (but in a less sly way) she will see sense and get rid of him and see that she would be better off with you.
 
Lucky Toma said:
From the bottom of my heart thank you everyone. Some fantastic advice and some words that have properly meant a lot to me.

I'm not in the best place to think straight right now - this all kicked off around 6pm last night so I havent eaten anything since yesterday lunchtime, had just over an hours sleep, and my belly is full of two bottles of wine, cider, and about 150 cigarettes.

But its definitely over. She made her decision last night and there is no coming back from that. She threw away everything that we had - and what we had was truly special - just for the possibility of salvaging her friendship with an ex.

She feels that we have done something despicable to the lad. That we've betrayed him and that she has cheated on him. Which is just bizarre.
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The highlighted bit is the important bit LT. That puts you in charge and that's where you should be. You've done nothing wrong. If you start getting fucked about and then keep going back for more then you can take the mess you're head is in right now and double it, then triple it. Good luck.

On a lighter note. Reading through this I kept hearing sloppy music and the story is such a Simon Bates 'my story' (irrelevant to anyone under 30). I can just imagine him reading the bit where you say: 'He said he'd put me in hospital, as fucking if!!!'

Sorry to make light of it, just made me chuckle. Good luck though.
 
Haha cheers BB. Thats the first time I've smiled for 24 hours mate.

And Des, all this has made me seriously consider whether heterosexuality is worth all the bother.....so there's still a chance :)

For those saying that I should go down.....I honestly can see where you're coming from. And a part of me really wants to. But it would only drive them closer together and marginalize me further.
I dont know if I want her back - or to try and win her back - but going down and banging parts of his face from his head will take all options away from me.

Mammutly - She's 23 mate so her parents dont really come into play with this. Having said that, her dad is a very no-nonsense guy who her ex could never be comfortable around, or talk to.
Whereas - because he loves his football and golf - me and him got on like a house on fire.
 
My 2 pennorth, play it cool, just let her know that you understand her confusion/ conflict. that you thought you had something very special, that you're there for her and should she come to her senses and change her mind you wont hold it against her. Once he reverts to type and the reasons they split begin to surface again she'll be back. Be patient but steadfast.
Good luck LT, feel for you mate.
 
mate you have done nothing wrong. I went through something very similar, this guy has control over her, they were together a long time and he knows just how to play her and just what to say to make her come round to his way of thinking. From expirience give her a bit of space and let her make the mistakes. She will prob get back eith him and very quickly realise what a massive mistake she has made. This is what happened with me. Having the same personality counts for everything in a serious relationship and believe me she will quickly realise that and come crawling back. Give it some time and be strong and you will get what you want it might just take a bit of time. Make your feelings clear but from a distance and dont go textin and calling when your on the piss, it makes things far worse. Women only look on things in an emotional view where as us guys only see things from a common sense point of view. Neither wrong but the opposite sexes way of thinking never makes sense. Give it time buddy, sounds to me like you will come out the winner in this, be strong
 
Sounds like you have been used as a kind of crutch by this young lady for quite a while,willingly I may add. The truth was out last night when the pressure came on. So that is the decision; she made her mind up under duress. The old adage, the first cut is the deepest springs to mind. Dig in and get yourself through this difficult time, and end all ties with this couple because, they deserve each other. Tough call mate.
 
Bigga said:
I'll echo what DH just said.

You're a smart guy, LT. You know the best move, really. Half of the board is saying go down and 'take what's yours'. You had what was yours, mate. A summer you won't forget.

And, more importantly, nor will she.

The thing is, fighting (literally) for something SHE gave up on is not going to solve anything. It can only tarnish the memory and bitterness ensues.

It might hurt, but IF she'll be with you, she will find the path back to you.

That's if you wait.

And who can blame you if don't...?
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i agree with this.
i have no advice to offer but i do wish you all the best.
 
Bigga said:
I'll echo what DH just said.

You're a smart guy, LT. You know the best move, really. Half of the board is saying go down and 'take what's yours'. You had what was yours, mate. A summer you won't forget.

And, more importantly, nor will she.

The thing is, fighting (literally) for something SHE gave up on is not going to solve anything. It can only tarnish the memory and bitterness ensues.

It might hurt, but IF she'll be with you, she will find the path back to you.

That's if you wait.

And who can blame you if don't...?
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^^^ great advice and a good grounded feel of what's going on here...

reckon from everything you've said you're the only 'adult' in this whole affair, and you're thinking (or rather 'feeling') as much with your heart as with anything else right now - hence your difficulties.

this girl is too young (not in age but in her understanding) to make rational decisions - as after all, what is rational anyway? This is why the whole board is saying what it is, including me:

- if human behaviour was a mathematical equation, 2 + 2 would be 4 today, 5 tomorrow, and a banana next week!

don't let this do your head in. Stay centred, remain in the present, get all Taoist, focus your energies and just go on and enjoy the next person you're in a relationship with, who, to use the Trader's credo 'all your best trades lie ahead of you'.

this guy she's been with sounds like a dick, but, he's in pole position and there's nothing that can change that, so I wouldn't bother. As Bigga's quite rightly pointed out, your way is to yield, which is actually strength. If she ever figures things out (don't count on it - but it could happen) you'll have your choices to make, if you want to at that time.

accept the inevitable - and it doesn't matter how or why what's happened has happened, but find your way, play your own game (Michael Douglas - Disclosure, ehehe)

hope you understand my lightweight words carry a heavy-weight message, as I can empathise with how you must be feeling LT; but you'll resolve them I'm sure.

finally, Trim's absolutely right, true redemption will only come when you post up some pics - it'll be cathartic

;o)
 
mentalist.jpg


You will get that ^ if you watch the Mentalist ;)

As far as the OP, fuck me it was like reading the script to a soap opera! All due respect to Jane LT, but any chick that weak probably isnt for you anyway. That fucking clown has played her like a fiddle and she has fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

Give it some time mate, dont call, text, get in touch at all. She will be back in touch next time dickhead messes her about - then its up to you how you proceed. As hard as it sounds like it will be for you, I'd let her go her own way and move on myself.
 
Lucky Toma said:
Too late Mikey. During the night I sent three Facebook messages and one text, none of which were particularly helpful to the cause. But I'm done now and there will be no more.
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well might not be a bad thing, now she knows how you feel. Play the waiting game my friend. if its meant to be then it will happen. Know its not the best help and your feelin real shit right now but things have a habit of getting better. And if not then we are gonna destroy roys reds on monday and cheer you up. Take it easy buddy
 
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