Need for some reasonably good jokes !

[tueartsboots]

Missus sent me this:

An old lady turns to her husband at party.
"Oh dear", she says, "I seem to have let out a
silent fart. What should I do?"

Her husband replies "Get a new battery
for your hearing aid".

Now I need something to laugh at !

 

[JohnMaddocksAxe]

This Englishman, Irishman and a chicken go into a pub.

The Englishman orders a bitter, the Irishman orders a Guiness and the Chicken order 4 Toshiba laptops and a gallon of industrial, unrefined oil.

The Englishman and the Irishman enjoy a quiet drink but the chicken is getting bored and losses fifty pounds in the fruit machine.

The Englishman says to the irishman, "What's his game?", to which the Irishman replies, "I don't know."

THe chicken overhears them and says ...................


Ah, no, actually, that doesn't work.

No, sorry don't know any off the top of my head

 

[Matty]

B*stard!! I was working my way through that joke thinking "I've never heard this one before...."!!!!!!

 

[johnny on the spot]

This Englishman, Irishman and a chicken go into a pub.

The Englishman orders a bitter, the Irishman orders a Guiness and the Chicken order 4 Toshiba laptops and a gallon of industrial, unrefined oil.

The Englishman and the Irishman enjoy a quiet drink but the chicken is getting bored and losses fifty pounds in the fruit machine.

The Englishman says to the irishman, "What's his game?", to which the Irishman replies, "I don't know."

THe chicken overhears them and says ...................


Ah, no, actually, that doesn't work.

No, sorry don't know any off the top of my head

To be fair, that post was funnier than most of the jokes on here.

 

[bluealf]

I went to a Roger moore james bond night, dressed as Sean Connery for a joke....



It certainley raised a few eyebrows.

 

[johnny on the spot]

I went to a Roger moore james bond night, dressed as Sean Connery for a joke....



It certainley raised a few eyebrows.

 

[bluealf]

Is that the best coat you could find lol

 

[tueartsboots]

Please, I did post under the thread title of REASONABLY good ! ;-)))

 

[bada bing]

Johnny - Mum, Mum whats my United shirt doing lay on the grass.
Mum - The thieving bastards, someone's stole my clothes pegs.

 

[MCFCTrick]

A duck walks into a bar, and says.....

'Got any bread?'

'No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No' says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No, you annoying little fcuker, and if you ask again, I will nail your fcuking beak to the bar'

'Got any nails?'

'No' says the landlord.





'Got any bread?'

 

[tommcfc]

Jesus said to Moses come forth
but
he came fifth and won a lolipop

 

[bluecm]

2 owls playing pool down their local.

Midway through the game, one of the owls pots the white ball by mistake.

The other owl, expresses his delight by saying, "two hits!"

The owl that potted the white replied, "two hits to who?"

 

[tueartsboots]

2 owls playing pool down their local.

Midway through the game, one of the owls pots the white ball by mistake.

The other owl, expresses his delight by saying, "two hits!"

The owl that potted the white replied, "two hits to who?"

At last !

 

[Anonymous]

I saw someone last night stealing my neighbours garden gate, i was shocked but i didn't want to say anything incase he took a fence.

 

[Anonymous]

Jesus said to Moses come forth
but
he came fifth and won a lolipop

PMSL!!!!!!!

 

[tommcfc]

Jesus said to Moses come forth
but
he came fifth and won a lolipop

PMSL!!!!!!!

wow i'm shocked someone actually liked it lol

*takes coat anyway*

 

[Feed-The-Goat]

A duck walks into a bar, and says.....

'Got any bread?'

'No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No' says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No, you annoying little fcuker, and if you ask again, I will nail your fcuking beak to the bar'

'Got any nails?'

'No' says the landlord.





'Got any bread?'

Ive just p!ssed myself laughin at that, and got looked at very strangley at work.

Thats a good one!

 

[henrythedogcity]

2 owls playing pool down their local.

Midway through the game, one of the owls pots the white ball by mistake.

The other owl, expresses his delight by saying, "two hits!"

The owl that potted the white replied, "two hits to who?"

Whats red and sits in a tree???





















A sanatry owl

 

[Pearcey]

2 owls playing pool down their local.

Midway through the game, one of the owls pots the white ball by mistake.

The other owl, expresses his delight by saying, "two hits!"

The owl that potted the white replied, "two hits to who?"

Quality!

 

[MCFCTrick]

A duck walks into a bar, and says.....

'Got any bread?'

'No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No' says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

No', says the landlord.

'Got any bread?'

'No, you annoying little fcuker, and if you ask again, I will nail your fcuking beak to the bar'

'Got any nails?'

'No' says the landlord.





'Got any bread?'

Ive just p!ssed myself laughin at that, and got looked at very strangley at work.

Thats a good one!

Thank fcuk for that, thought it was just me that found it funny as hell!