Parents threatening their children

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Fame Monster, 28 May 2020.

  1. Bovril

    Bovril

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    Dad kicked the fuck out of me when I was young, probably deserved it in hindsight, got the fuck out of there at 16 an joined the Army. Army life was a breeze due to the discipline from Dad and quickly became best mates due to it before his untimely death, I don't condone abuse but parenting is based on what is right in the grand scheme of things at the time.
     
  2. Asa's Heart

    Asa's Heart

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    And that kind of attitude and bollocks about the authorities getting involved is why in the year 2020 we still have children murdered within homes where people knew they were suffering and did nothing. Your logic makes no sense, and this “For all you know the OP could be an estranged partner of the woman in question holding a grudge” Is a fucking ridiculous comment. Whatever the reason a kid may be suffering significant harm. As it happens, I have worked with families where a kid has been killed to get back at a partner.

    Think of any kind of horrendous way of harming, abusing and emotionally destroying children and I have seen it over the past 28 years. In that time the only people I have felt real hatred for are the people that look the other way because “it isn’t our business”. They are usually the very same gobshites that will blame the authorities and pipe up with somebody should have done something. The headline cases that people see in the press are the tip of the iceberg. The Maria Caldwell’s, Baby Peter’s, Victoria Climbie, Daniel Pelka, etc, are a fraction of kids killed. Most serious case reviews (unfortunately I review them as part of my job) nobody sees. They are publicly available but nobody really cares. There are lots of them. It would shock you. I reviewed one this week from Gloucester. I will summarise one of the key findings in most of the cases..... people knew and did nothing as they didn’t want to interfere. Just like the police can only police with the public’s consent, the authorities can only support families and stop children being harmed if they are aware. I could go on and on.... but I will finish with this. To call people that want to do the right thing a “virtue signaller” is fucking shameful. I don’t know anything about you at all, but that comment alone tells me you are a first class idiot.
     
  3. Asa's Heart

    Asa's Heart

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    You are thinking along the right lines in some ways, but the decision about what levels of emotional resilience children have can’t be made in the way you describe. It is also dangerous to ascribe adult ways of thinking to children. Think about it like this.... there are not different types of children, there are different types of parenting. You will often hear people (many in this thread) say things like “I was hit and it didn’t do me any harm”. There are a number of reasons for this and many explanations:

    1- they were hit, it may have harmed them and they are totally unaware. I see this all the time, it usually manifests itself in anger management issues that they are also unaware of. They get angry and don’t know why. That was me for most of my first 45 years..... 9 years on I am more chilled.
    2- they had the odd clout and perceive children that may be being systematically abused as suffering similar experiences through a lack of knowledge on their part.
    3- they had firm parenting that involved physical chastisement, on occasions quite extreme, but knew their parents loved them and had consistency and emotional warmth in most other aspects of their childhoods. They knew why they were hit and although they didn’t like it could understand why.

    The real problems is when children get hit and they have other factors involved. Inconsistent parenting, inconsistent discipline or boundaries, being screamed at and not knowing why, being scapegoated or marginalised within a family, eg, sibling being treated significantly differently, parents having too high expectations.

    Emotional abuse is the most damaging and long lasting type of abuse. It kind of gets lost amongst other kinds of abuse that are more headline makers. It gets lost but is always there..... if you hit / harm a child that also by definition involves emotional abuse, but people just want to talk about the physical injuries, if you sexually abuse a child that involves emotional abuse, but people are abhorred by the physical sexual abuse and yet most people now know about the longer term damage that is caused by the breach of trust by an adult, which is emotional abuse. Never underestimate the damage caused by emotional abuse on its own. Children being shouted at constantly, usually in homes where the parents have not set boundaries or have good routines, is a serious issue. If that is compounded by external stressors, Covid-19, isolation, finance, relationship issues, alcohol, mental health, it can very quickly turn into a high risk situation. If then a child is being hit, that is a dangerous situation.

    What most people don’t realise is that you don’t have to lay a finger on a child to destroy them. All you have to do is be inconsistent and Belittle or frighten them. It’s really easy to destroy kids. Someone earlier mentioned they had been on a domestic violence prevention course. I bet one of the eye openers on the course is the damage caused to children from hearing arguing, shouting and fighting. But when you speak to parents you will always get the same answers..... “they weren’t in the room, they never saw anything”. Yet the damage to the kids from what they have heard or the anticipation and fear of what may or may not happen when mum / dad gets in later is what causes a lot of damage.
     
    Last edited: 30 May 2020

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  4. BJL_City

    BJL_City

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    Of course there are different types of children...
     
  5. Asa's Heart

    Asa's Heart

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    I am talking in general terms.. of course we are all individuals as are children. However, children are more of a blank canvas to a point and are significantly shaped by experiences, both good and bad.
     
  6. BJL_City

    BJL_City

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    That I agree with, hence why religious teaching under the age of 18 should be banned.
     
  7. Uncle Wally One Ball

    Uncle Wally One Ball

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    I would strongly argue this is not frivolous, nor a wild goose chase. The OP has seen and heard it several times and is rightly concerned.
     
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  8. Boris Becker’s Backhand

    Boris Becker’s Backhand

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    He said he’d seen no injuries and the kids seemed ok. Verbal abuse is all he’s aware of so far I think. But like I said it’s his judgement call.
     
  9. Boris Becker’s Backhand

    Boris Becker’s Backhand

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    Come off it man. The virtue signaller has no knowledge of the situation beyond a post on a forum and just wanted to trumpet his own parenting prowess. I explained in a reply to uncle wally that in an ideal world everything no matter how small would be investigated but there are finite resources.

    Calling out some “look at me” gobshite on a forum does not mean I’m part of the look the other way brigade at all. Anyone who would claim that must be as you yourself put it “a first class idiot”
     
  10. bigstanhibbert

    bigstanhibbert

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    Wow, reads like my childhood. Father was seemingly successful in life and business etc, but was a bully. When my brother was mid twenties he was sent by the company he worked for to a psychologist, who after treatment told him/our that our father (not a dad) was an emotional, physical and mental bully. Basically scum in suit, shirt and tie.

    We always thought it was us.

    He is dead now, his ashes were put in the dustbin, scum.
     
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