Pre-Derby Headlines

City's Spanish crisis! We can exclusively reveal that Manchester City's Spanish contingent (the brothers Dave n Bernie Silva, Ederson, Gungodan, Sergio Aguero and Gary Jesus, together with a string of non-Spanish stars including Loret de Mar regulars John Stones, Kyle Walker and Kevin DeBruyne, have shown solidarity in forming the "Etihad Band of Iberians that don't like Pep". The group have effectively downed-tools in protest at the role played by their out of control coach in personally inciting the recent Catalan Uprising. Sources also confirmed that this is what really happened after the recent Southampton game, when an enraged Pep discovered that Nathan Redmond had grassed him up to the lads, all of whom have now refused to play unless they get a more politically stable replacement manager such as that master of mind games Portugese rascal who they all secretly want to play for.

The FA has suspended all those involved pending its investigating committee executive hearing scheduled for 30th February.
 
Tyler and Ratface ordered to “bang a couple out” prior to Derby game, by Sky bigwigs!!

In an unprecedented move, Sky have assigned extra homework for their annoying commentating duo. Not only must they shoot their load thrice prior to the match to bring their “enthusiasm “ down to semi normal levels but there also being asked to pronounce players names correctly. Rojo is to be pronounced Ro-ho as is the Argentinian way and Aguero is to be pronounced Aguerooooooo every time.
 
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