Restraining order advice/experience sought

[Uncle Wally One Ball]

Hi everyone, long time member but rare poster seeking advice or experience here.

I'm looking for advice on a pretty scary situation involving the estranged husband of my new partner.

He has a 2 year restraining order in place to prevent him contacting or seeing his wife which we think he breached today, though the police will confirm that in due course. That has been in place 2 weeks tomorrow.

My question is about getting a restraining order in place to prevent him threatening and harrassing me, which he has done in the past and which we fear he will continue to do as our relationship develops further. He's said as much. He's said he'll never allow us to have a relationship. In January he was cautioned for attacking me in the street when I was forced to lock myself in my car until he left the scene. He threatened to kill me then. He's since driven past my house (I live in a cul-de-sac) and threatened several times to come to my house, one of which resulted in his wife chasing him at high speed. He's confronted us in a store where he threatened me again.

He showed his wife a large hunting knife he'd bought which at a later date he intimated was to use on me. There've been other occassions too which have resulted in 999 calls (around 4 in total I believe).

Most recently he made a direct threat to kill me, both verbally and with a finger across the throat gesture. This happened when I dropped my partner at court for a hearing about his access to their children. He was arrested for this and questioned for making threats to kill. He was released without charge as it was his word against mine.

All in all I'm seriously frightened; frightened to the point of being afraid at times of going to work or frightened each time a car passes outside my house. I'm absolutely petrified of the time I eventually move in with my lovely partner. I won't let him prevent that but I won't be able to live happily or in a relaxed way. My relationship with my partner is at the point where we're discussing living together in the medium term future, and discussing also her introducing me to her children at some point. We've seriously considered moving away and telling nobody where we're going save for her parents and brother.

I suppose I'm looking for advice from anyone who's experienced this sort of thing. Am I likely to be successful in my application for this restraining order?

I am currently in the process of obtaining a log from the police of all the calls I've made to them and the nature of the incidents, and will use this to support my application. My partner has said she will provide support in the form of corroborating my statements.

Does anyone have any experience of this type of situation?

Thank you in advance for any advice.

Go and see a solicitor kid, you will get better advice

 

[Bilston Blue]

Wow! Thanks for all your messages of support and encouragement. I kind of knew they'd come on this place. Blues are fucking ace!

Sounds bad mate...sometimes you gotta step back and think, is this bird worth the hassle?

A direct answer is yes, she's so fucking worth it. She's top banana in every way possible. She's been married to this nutter for ten years, wanted to leave him for years but been frightened to. She's now in a refuge for victims of domestic abuse but is far from broken. He attacked me the day she left him believing she was having an affair with me, though at the time we were only close friends after having met through a working relationship. I messaged her after that saying I couldn't see her again knowing the shit that was going to happen if we got closer, which we both knew would happen. I called her a couple of hours later to tell her I couldn't stop seeing her. Since then it's not crossed my mind. He's scared the life out of me for weeks now but I'm a stubborn ****.

If you haven't already it may be worth putting a camera up to cover the street outside your gaff

There's a police camera covering the front of my house, in part due to this situation and in part due to a problem my neighbour is having with some local kids. In fairness the police have been pretty good thus far.

was you seeing the woman before her and her husband split up?

We were very close friends and we always kind of knew our relationship would develop. I couldn't say if we were involved before she left him as it was all kind of very gradual. Probably we were but only maybe a week or so before. It's difficult to put a time on it. If we were then I really don't give a fuck what folk say about that. He's a **** of the highest order. He's beat her. He's pulled her down the stairs by her ankle causing her to bust her nose on the stairs in front of one of their children. He's emotionally abused her and controlled her for years. I wouldn't usually wish cancer on anyone, but this fucker...

If you've not met the kids yet then it's a bit early to be making long term plans.
For now just keep a record and report any threats but I would seriously wait until you know the kids before doing anything serious like moving. Do you know what kind of relationship they have with their dad? What if any custody arrangements are there? It's a mine field and I would be tempted to reconsider the whole thing if this is a pattern for the future.
If the feds won't take any action he hasn't actually broken any law and if you find it that intimidating you have to ask yourself is it right for you? Life is long and hard, sometimes you have to think about the easiest path rather than the most desirable.

Thanks for writing this Gelson. I agree about the kids. All we've done is talk up to yet. Funny; it seems like we've known each other for years, like how you meet someone and you're soulmates, best friends, and lovers all at once. She's convinced her kids will like me based on knowing me and knowing what her kids are like. They're 13, 9, and 2. Apparently the husband has tried to find out more about our relationship from the eldest son but he's told him he's not getting stuck in the middle. Seems a level-headed lad for such a young age. Their relationship with their dad, at least the two eldest, has shown signs of cracking recently, with them claiming at one point that it feels like he doesn't want them.

He has broken the law but was only cautioned for an attack on me.

We have a plan A and a plan B. Plan A is to stay local and live together, maybe later this year, maybe next. We're both pretty confident it'll get to that stage and we're both sure that he won't prevent that. Plan B is to move away if he continues the way he's behaved recently. Closer to City would be good and we've agreed north over south. Even discussed which towns. My work is easily transportable, too.

I'm at the stage of applying for records of all my calls to the police which will hopefully support my application for a restraining order. It's not a non-molestation order as that's only for domestic violence, i.e., to restrain family members, etc.

Thanks again for the kind words and encouragement.

 

[Barcon]

Sounds like a nasty piece of work mate. I know what I would do but I wouldn't advise anyone else to do the same.

 

[stonerblue]

Restraining orders are useless.

Seems like a lot of threats but no action by him.

 

[Kinkladze-no#1]

You will be able to get a non-molestation order quite easily with the things you have described, that would be a temporary fix and he wouldn’t be able to come within a certain distance!!
He could challenge it in court but if you have evidence he would be stupid to do so! From there if he continued to bother you and break the order you would be able to take it further etc!

Get some emergency alarms and stuff for yourselves! It’s a real shame cos it usually takes something bad for the police to give a crap!

 

[gordondaviesmoustache]

I'm at the stage of applying for records of all my calls to the police which will hopefully support my application for a restraining order. It's not a non-molestation order as that's only for domestic violence, i.e., to restrain family members, etc.

I’m not sure you can make that application. There is a provision for a R.O. to be granted following an acquittal, but criminal proceedings need to have at least been initiated. The caution is insufficient for those purposes. Your best course of action is for her apply to vary the R.O. in relation to her, to include you, which she can do under section 5(4) of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997. She would need to make the application to the court that made the Order and the CPS should then pick up the reigns. Best she gets legal advice and representation in relation to the application.

It’s all covered in here, mate.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/restraining-orders-section-5-protection-harassment-act-1997

 

[cyberblue]

Hope it works out for you and hope the help/ support you get on here does you some good .My advice would be to a see a solicitor who deals with this stuff on a regular basis .he might know something no one on here has thought of good luck mate

 

[Scottyboi]

Sounds like if you don't leave her we will be reading about you in the newspaper in a few years. That kind of baggage will prevent you having a happy relationship and it will always be there in her behaviour too.

 

[johnnytapia]

Hi everyone, long time member but rare poster seeking advice or experience here.

I'm looking for advice on a pretty scary situation involving the estranged husband of my new partner.

He has a 2 year restraining order in place to prevent him contacting or seeing his wife which we think he breached today, though the police will confirm that in due course. That has been in place 2 weeks tomorrow.

My question is about getting a restraining order in place to prevent him threatening and harrassing me, which he has done in the past and which we fear he will continue to do as our relationship develops further. He's said as much. He's said he'll never allow us to have a relationship. In January he was cautioned for attacking me in the street when I was forced to lock myself in my car until he left the scene. He threatened to kill me then. He's since driven past my house (I live in a cul-de-sac) and threatened several times to come to my house, one of which resulted in his wife chasing him at high speed. He's confronted us in a store where he threatened me again.

He showed his wife a large hunting knife he'd bought which at a later date he intimated was to use on me. There've been other occassions too which have resulted in 999 calls (around 4 in total I believe).

Most recently he made a direct threat to kill me, both verbally and with a finger across the throat gesture. This happened when I dropped my partner at court for a hearing about his access to their children. He was arrested for this and questioned for making threats to kill. He was released without charge as it was his word against mine.

All in all I'm seriously frightened; frightened to the point of being afraid at times of going to work or frightened each time a car passes outside my house. I'm absolutely petrified of the time I eventually move in with my lovely partner. I won't let him prevent that but I won't be able to live happily or in a relaxed way. My relationship with my partner is at the point where we're discussing living together in the medium term future, and discussing also her introducing me to her children at some point. We've seriously considered moving away and telling nobody where we're going save for her parents and brother.

I suppose I'm looking for advice from anyone who's experienced this sort of thing. Am I likely to be successful in my application for this restraining order?

I am currently in the process of obtaining a log from the police of all the calls I've made to them and the nature of the incidents, and will use this to support my application. My partner has said she will provide support in the form of corroborating my statements.

Does anyone have any experience of this type of situation?
Thank you in advance for any advice.

With regard to the 999 calls, this piece in today's Guardian is cogent and may give you/others some idea of what is now categorised as a "priority". GMP come out as one of the worst forces:
https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news...s-to-respond-to-999-calls-as-budget-cuts-bite

 

[worsleyweb]

Tough one! Good luck. Don't slag the dad off to his kids.