Sexual failures


Well-Known Member
10 Aug 2010
North Polar
Team supported
One City
When I was 18 I pulled an absolute stunner. Blonde, booby, leggy and 24. Family were minted as well. Got back to her's and she disappeared to the bathroom only to re-appear dressed in white stockings, high heels and a half cup basque. I couldn't get undressed quick enough. She then spent 10 minutes blowing me before riding me like a government mule. I lasted 5 minutes before the vinegar strokes hit.

As my wilting member slipped out of her she said the following...

"You might have a big cock but you don't know how to use it."

I quickly dressed and left. Never saw her again but her words haunted me for years.
You can learn to use it but you can't learn to have a big one :-)

Dave Ewing's Back 'eader

Well-Known Member
9 Mar 2007
Upwind of the Mangrove Swamp
In an attempt to right the wrong of last week's "Screenshot your phone" thread, @Blue Mist challenged me to come up with a better thread this Friday. I hope this is better;

Tell us about a time when you completely failed in your sexual exploits. A time that you would go back for a day, a few hours or even a couple more minutes if you had the chance.

My own sob story is this - at the age of 19, I met E. She was stunning. Blonde hair, a great arse and beautiful looking. We were seeing each other for 8/9 months on and off and she was wild when it came to the bedroom.

One time, I had a medical and fitness test for a job a few days later. We were minding her sisters house and E decided to invite her mate K and K's boyfriend round for drinks. K was another blonde bombshell. Huge boobs, a fantastic arse and also pretty. K and I always hit it off when we met. Anyway, K's boyfriend brought some strong grass round and we started to get stoned. I'd not had any for a few months because I knew the medical was coming up but stupidly dived straight in. I was wrecked on beer and grass and hit the sack while they moved on to a bit of whizz.

When I woke up the next morning, E was next to me in bed but strangely, all of K's clothes were in a pile next to the bed. K was in the spare room and her boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. I asked E what had happened the night before and why K's clothes were in our room. She said she was just going to wash them but something about her answer made me doubt her.

18 months or so later, we'd both moved on and our fling was a thing of the past. I went into a pub to meet a mate but was half an hour early. E was in there and was in exactly the same situation. I bought her a drink and we asked how each other were. The conversation soon moved to us being allowed to ask a question about our 8/9 months together and it had to be an honest answer.

E went first and asked me about a night when one of her friends said I'd kissed a girl whilst out. I honestly hadn't. Instead, I was talking to this girl all about E and how good things were.

My turn - "Right E, tell me what happened the night that we stayed at your sister's and K's clothes ended up on the floor in our room."

E said that after I crashed out, K and her boyfriend had a blazing row and he stormed out. E and K carried on drinking and got a bit frisky. It was decided that a threesome was the order of the day. They came up to the room where I was sleeping and both stripped off. I was already starkers under the duvet. Both of them took turns trying to wake me up. Both of them took turns trying to arouse me. They were straddling me, slapping my face and doing everything they could to get their wicked way with me.

E said I never moved a muscle, merely lay there on my back snoring like a chainsaw. My chance had come and gone and the first I knew of it was over a year later. They were both open minded and used to call around to my flat quite often in the time that me and E were still together but never suggested a menage a trois again. I often think it wasn't just that night that I missed out on, but potentially months of debauchery.

Who else has spectacularly failed in their bedroom exploits?
Well, what you have just described is regular fare for the FOCs in CBL3. People think the 3 in CBL3 is Level Three. Oh no, it's the minimum number of people involved.


Well-Known Member
6 Aug 2009
Team supported
Manchester City
In my very early twenties I had sex with 3 different women in a 24 hour period, A one night stand, a girl from work the following afternoon, and another one night stand that evening.
The failure comes in as i rented in a nice respectable area, paid cheap rent but my landlady kicked me out for treating her annex like a knocking shop.

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