Sexual failures

In my very early twenties I had sex with 3 different women in a 24 hour period, A one night stand, a girl from work the following afternoon, and another one night stand that evening.
The failure comes in as i rented in a nice respectable area, paid cheap rent but my landlady kicked me out for treating her annex like a knocking shop.
Which, to be fair, you did!
 
Experience a few 'ladies' who've had smelly bottoms, really unpleasant. On one occasion I was having a conversation with myself in my head trying to convince myself it was mine, it didn't work I came to the conclusion I'd have smelt it before if it was me.
 
I got a small tear in mine once. It lasted ages as it kept tearing a little bit all the time for a few months.
My banjo string story. When I was about 18 I took my girlfriend back to my mum and dads after the pub. They were in bed. I ended up shagging her on the settee. I don’t really remember feeling any massive pain, but at one point I looked down and there was blood all around our conjoined pubic areas/thighs. I remember saying to her “you’re on your period” and her saying “I’m not”. My next memory is being stood in the bathroom with my shrivelling knob in the sink absolutely dripping blood like a tap. We drove to Bury General and after the excruciating embarrassment of telling the nurse, she just inspected it and told me to give it a salt bath. I took my girlfriend home, drove back and my mum’s new, cloth settee looked like a murder had been committed on it.

I couldn’t let them find it like that in the morning so I went in to their room, woke them up and tried to tell them I’d trapped my old chap in my flies. I can actually remember my dad jumping up and taking ages to work out what I was telling him.

They actually bought it, or at least pretended to buy it, and told me that it had happened to my dad in the past.

I still have a scar.
 
Was about to go in from behind with an ex, but once she bent over it became clear she hadn't cleaned up properly after going to the toilet, instead I threw up over her back. I didn't ever tell her why I was sick.
 
My banjo string story. When I was about 18 I took my girlfriend back to my mum and dads after the pub. They were in bed. I ended up shagging her on the settee. I don’t really remember feeling any massive pain, but at one point I looked down and there was blood all around our conjoined pubic areas/thighs. I remember saying to her “you’re on your period” and her saying “I’m not”. My next memory is being stood in the bathroom with my shrivelling knob in the sink absolutely dripping blood like a tap. We drove to Bury General and after the excruciating embarrassment of telling the nurse, she just inspected it and told me to give it a salt bath. I took my girlfriend home, drove back and my mum’s new, cloth settee looked like a murder had been committed on it.

I couldn’t let them find it like that in the morning so I went in to their room, woke them up and tried to tell them I’d trapped my old chap in my flies. I can actually remember my dad jumping up and taking ages to work out what I was telling him.

They actually bought it, or at least pretended to buy it, and told me that it had happened to my dad in the past.

I still have a scar.
Snapped your banjo string??1603761091265.png
 
Posted this a while ago on me trip to Kent

I went on a pub crawl with some friends in Kent. After having one too many shandies, I somehow ended up on my own and met up with some other random group. I was chatting up some blonde piece all night barely stringing words together due to being hammered, her brother wasn't too impressed with me chatting her up all night giving me the evil eye.

Afterwards, we all went to some house party, after one too many again I go upstairs to the bog to throw up. I went into one of the rooms in the house hoping she'd come up soon. The celing was spinning and I'm trying to not throw up more.

About twenty minutes later I heard the door open, as I'm laying starkers in the bed hoping it would be her. Either way, i have a stiffy and want to get laid I don't care if it isn't. I get jumped on and nearly break every bone in my body. I knew it was a tubby straight away and start playing with the smallish jugs running my tongue and face all over them. Next thing I know my willy is pulled out and I'm doing them up the Arsenal being ridden like Red Rum in the Grand National, didn't take me long to finish that's for sure. A few minutes later the light switch comes on and to my horror on top of me is her fat brother. Blondie wasn't too impressed.

Oh well, shags a shag!!!!!!!
 
In my very early twenties I had sex with 3 different women in a 24 hour period, A one night stand, a girl from work the following afternoon, and another one night stand that evening.
The failure comes in as i rented in a nice respectable area, paid cheap rent but my landlady kicked me out for treating her annex like a knocking shop.
Clearly not much of a business woman then that landlady of yours.
 

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