Sexual failures

Didsbury Dave said:
My banjo string story. When I was about 18 I took my girlfriend back to my mum and dads after the pub. They were in bed. I ended up shagging her on the settee. I don’t really remember feeling any massive pain, but at one point I looked down and there was blood all around our conjoined pubic areas/thighs. I remember saying to her “you’re on your period” and her saying “I’m not”. My next memory is being stood in the bathroom with my shrivelling knob in the sink absolutely dripping blood like a tap. We drove to Bury General and after the excruciating embarrassment of telling the nurse, she just inspected it and told me to give it a salt bath. I took my girlfriend home, drove back and my mum’s new, cloth settee looked like a murder had been committed on it.

I couldn’t let them find it like that in the morning so I went in to their room, woke them up and tried to tell them I’d trapped my old chap in my flies. I can actually remember my dad jumping up and taking ages to work out what I was telling him.

They actually bought it, or at least pretended to buy it, and told me that it had happened to my dad in the past.

I still have a scar.
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So basically your dad snapped his banjo in your mum? Lmao
 
It was when I was teaching and the head girl had a bit of a thing for me, and she wrote me a letter saying (quote) "I want to give myself to you completely". Bloody hell.

Fortunately for my employment prospects I declined her kind offer. Does that count as a failure? I prefer to think of it as a wise choice.
 
Big Swifty said:
It was when I was teaching and the head girl had a bit of a thing for me, and she wrote me a letter saying (quote) "I want to give myself to you completely". Bloody hell.

Fortunately for my employment prospects I declined her kind offer. Does that count as a failure? I prefer to think of it as a wise choice.
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This thread is u...

You made a wise choice there good man.
 
Big Swifty said:
It was when I was teaching and the head girl had a bit of a thing for me, and she wrote me a letter saying (quote) "I want to give myself to you completely". Bloody hell.

Fortunately for my employment prospects I declined her kind offer. Does that count as a failure? I prefer to think of it as a wise choice.
Click to expand...
Did you teach at secondry or infants ?
 
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