Taxi Queue Pulls

I've managed this one waiting for a nightbus and also on a nightbus. The latter was a Finnish girl just visiting London who'd got on the wrong bus and was completely lost. I was prepared to walk her to the right stop but it was 3am, she was wearing little and I genuinely offered her a roof over her head for the night. She declined the sofa and kissed me first. Her walk of shame the next morning was so obvious.
 
Picked up some girl outside Zero's bar whilst out working in Lagana, Zante. A freak by all accounts. I jumped in a Joe, and went back to mine 3 sheets to the wind.

She was by no means skinny too. Anyway got back and we started at it until she said "i'm on, do you mind?" I said that I wasn't arsed and we got down to it. I larupped her like Blackpool donkey and she was certainly squealing like a pig that she was.

Next day I woke up with her smiling whilst asleep, face right there in my face and remembered the words of Princess Leia when rescued by Hans Solo in the Millenium Falcon "God, you came in that thing? You're braver than I thought"

She was a moose of grandeur proportions and I had to wake her up and fuck her off pronto as the the owners of the said apartments were coming round to change the sheets. Sheets.Oh my, the sheets, they were white, but were now covered in claret, I bundled them up and fucked them off outside next doors, swapping his for mine. He was a scouser and I could hear him arguing with the owners about the sheets. 6,000 drachmas later and an apology, he forgave me.

As for the moose, she managed to send me a love letter through a tour operator with her details on, asking for me to see her back in blighty.

Fuck that I thought, a spunk dump best left forgotten.
 
citykev28 said:
There seems to be a recurring theme here. All 3 of the "ladies" mentioned have lived in Salford.
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I've got a Rochdale one, just to bring a bit of class.

Got to about 3 on a standardly dismal night out in dogsdale, so I was going to hop in a taxi but my mate had pulled himself a looker with a fat fuck friend in tow. Me being the great friend that I am agree to look after the heffer.

We get back to mine and have a few more drinks. While the blob is on the throne my mate picks up her blackberry thinking its mine and has a flick through. He turns to me a bit puzzled and asks why theres a load of pictures of me and her on my(her) phone. Turns out her ex victim who she had just released a few days ago was a fucking doppelganger of me! I was in her spunky sights!

My mates get to fucking off, ignoring my not so subtle hints to call a tow truck for the sow. When asked if she was getting a taxi she looks at me and says 'I don't know, I haven't been asked to stay'. Me being a stickler for social etiquette and half cut I tell her to stay at mine.

It goes to my room as I go for a piss. It was time for a first for me. I don't mean shagging a big 'un, I've cracked a few bed boards in my time, I get in my room to find her doing the naked (wo)man on me! As I've said, I'm a stickler for social etiquette so I did the deed and with the sort of clarity you only get post-coitus, gave her the boot!

She was a squirter though so it's not all bad...
 
paphos-mcfc said:
Next day I woke up with her smiling whilst asleep, face right there in my face and remembered the words of Princess Leia when rescued by Hans Solo in the Millenium Falcon "God, you came in that thing? You're braver than I thought".
Click to expand...


Brilliant.
 
not taxi pulling or even bus stop pulling (the even cheaper birds) but i'll tell you about the fastest i've pulled.

Me and 2 mates finished work at kwik save, we used to get some beers from the shelves, get changed in the toilets and id lock up an off to town we went.

got in the overdraught with a pretty obscure band t-shirt on and i noticed this fitty, about 6 foot, skinny, punky looking with a handbag with this obscure bands patch on it. I whistled a tune when i was getting the first beers in (a bit of subliminal teasing, kind of ' i know you know the song im whistling') she turns round and says ''is that so and so from the band?'' i say ''yea, why? you like my whistling or the band?'' she goes ''where you from?'' i went '' i've got a flat in salford''. This is all in about 3-5 minutes of getting in there, my mates still waiting for their pints. She pinched my arse, looked at me biting her bottom lip and whispered ''i wanna fuck you now, can we go to yours?'' went and gave my mates the pints and walked out, telling them i'd be back. bout 8.30 now.

So we got a taxi to mine, got in about 9pm got limewire on in the background playing some tunes, after we have a bit of fun, she goes ''we going back to town?'' i said yea and she paid for a taxi to rockworld where my mates had ended up, got in there about 11.30, she paid me in then went chatting to her mates and some lads. One of em looked a bit pissed off and came and asked me how i knew his girlfriend!!!! i said i'd just asked her for a light outside (i knew she smoked) and he went 'oh'. apparently, he'd gone to the toilet and asked her to get the drinks in and she'd got off with me! All night she was giving me the eye, seen her a few times after in jillies and she wanted to come to mine but i knew she had a boyfriend so told her to fuck off each time. still see her in GC and salisbury every now and then with him.

To be fair, i felt like telling him i'd just fucked her brains out in my flat and she's a cheating slut!
 
The least amount of time from first sight to getting spuds deep for me is about 3-4 minutes. I was walking back from Rochdale pissed up and 2 girls (also pissed) started talking to us. I asked one of them if she lived far away and luckily, we were right near her house. We walked into a back alley and pretty much got down to it straight away. While I was pounding away, I could smell a strong chemical smell but just ignored it. When I got home, I realised what the smell was when I took off my shirt. All the elbows on my shirt were stained with creosote off the fence I'd been rattling her against. I don't know how she explained to her mum/dad/boyfriend/husband why her white dress and arse cheeks were covered in creosote.
 
At Uni, i pulled an absolute horror in the taxi queue one night, not that i remember or even needed a cab. We were in the Uni bar, and i sort of remember me and my mate following this right sort out (i only lived 200 yards away) but was heading in the wrong direction to my house, my mate had pulled the sort and said one for the team son, and pushed me at some dwarf that looked like Sloth from the goonies - Dirk Kuyt for you younger readers (which i dont remember). The next memory i have was being in a cab, snogging the said thing, with what can only be described as 80's spiked lezzer hair (this was the late 90's). Anyway, it all goes blank until the morning, when i woke up starkers with my clothes all folded on a chair next to the bed i was in. I then had a flash back to the monster i'd pulled, so i noted the time (9.07) as i heard her coming up the stairs. I mumbled whats the time as i have to be in uni at 9,30, she said nearly 10 passed 9, so i was up, dressed and out of the door within a minute. Just as i started to congratulate myself on such a smooth exit (a beautiful Coyote manouver ie they are known to chew off their own limbs to escape traps, believe me i would have chewed off both my arms to get away) i realised i had no idea where i was and i had a couple of quid on me. I ran off in a panic and into the local shop, asking the best way to the university, the bloke told me where to get a bus, happy days. I got home feeling decidedly rough and made my way to my room, where there was a spliff waiting and a note, smoked one, got bored went to bed - from my house mate. I was none the wiser, wtf was this. Then he walked in laughing his tits off. Apparently i called him just after midnight saying (he didnt recognise me at first as i was slurring so bad) i was with some absolute horror, skin up, as i'm not staying not a fucking chance. Followed by another call, 30 mins later claiming she could suck a golf ball through a hose, but she was still absolutely hanging and to skin up i would be home in 5. I dont remember a thing. Anyway, smoked the spliff and went to bed with one of the worst hangovers i've ever had.

To be fair to my mate from the night before, he returned the favour by wingmaning for me on more than one occasion, as when he saw her on another night out, he dubbed her not 1 for the team but 10 for the team, or 10 for as we from there on called her.
 
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