frankstonblue
Well-Known Member
If you are planning on committing suicide, dont waste money on a rope. Use some electrical flex from around the house or a bed sheet.
Whatever you do, dont use an electrical item in the bath, you will still be charged for the electricity used as your body fries.
Save money on wallpaper paste by having a wank into a bucket.
Save money on your laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
If youre a dog owner, you dont need to waste money on a lead. Simply walk your dog backwards, while holding its tail.
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address’ of people you don't know.
Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help to push you along.
Save money on doorbell batteries by removing them and simply popping to the door every two minutes to see if anyone is there.
Dont fork out on expensive smoke alarms. Simply fill balloons with water and hang them from the ceiling. Then cover the floor with air-filled balloons, each with a drawing pin stuck to the top. In the event of a fire the temperature will cause the air- filled balloons to rise up from the floor, and the pins will burst the water-filled balloons, thus extinguishing the fire.
Fun-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for dwarfs.
King-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for giants.
Normal-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.
People whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name triangle for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.
Whatever you do, dont use an electrical item in the bath, you will still be charged for the electricity used as your body fries.
Save money on wallpaper paste by having a wank into a bucket.
Save money on your laundry bills. Give your dirty shirts to Oxfam. They will wash and iron them and you can buy them back for fifty pence.
If youre a dog owner, you dont need to waste money on a lead. Simply walk your dog backwards, while holding its tail.
Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and address’ of people you don't know.
Save petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help to push you along.
Save money on doorbell batteries by removing them and simply popping to the door every two minutes to see if anyone is there.
Dont fork out on expensive smoke alarms. Simply fill balloons with water and hang them from the ceiling. Then cover the floor with air-filled balloons, each with a drawing pin stuck to the top. In the event of a fire the temperature will cause the air- filled balloons to rise up from the floor, and the pins will burst the water-filled balloons, thus extinguishing the fire.
Fun-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for dwarfs.
King-sized Mars bars make ideal normal-sized Mars bars, for giants.
Normal-sized Mars bars make ideal king-sized Mars bars for dwarfs, as well as fun-sized ones for giants.
People whose surname is Toblerone should always take along an empty 'Toblerone' chocolate box when attending interviews for office jobs. This would save your potential employer the expense of having to make a name triangle for your desk, and therefore increase your chances of getting the job.