Todays joke

[ardwickboy]

Sex In The Dark

There was a couple who had been married for twenty years. Every
time they made love, the husband always insisted on shutting off the
light. Well, after twenty years, the wife felt that this was
ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy
habit.
So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down and saw
her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device, a
vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.
She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bast*rd", she screamed
at him. "How could you lie to me all these years? You'd better
explain yourself!"
The husband looked her straight in the eyes and said calmly, "I'll
explain the toy, you explain the kids."

 

[masterwig]

That is an old joke. But a good one nontheless.

 

[jimharri]

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

 

[Paulmcfc2703]

A young woman goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Harvard sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a blue "Y" on her chest. "How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor. "Oh, my boyfriend went to Yale and he's so proud of it that he never takes off his Yale sweatshirt, even when we make love," she replies.

A couple of days later, another young woman comes in for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a green "M" on her chest. "Do you have a boyfriend at Michigan?" asks the doctor.

"No, but I have a girlfriend at Wisconsin. Why do you ask?"

Thats quality

 

[gman07]

Underwear Dust

One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to
his wife 'perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast.
Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!'

His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply
couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.

The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out
of his drawer..
'What the Hell is this??' he said to himself as a little 'dust' cloud
appeared when he shook them out.

'April,' he hollered into the bathroom, 'why
did you put talcum powder in my underwear?'

She replied ..'It's not talcum powder......
It's 'Miracle Grow'

 

[gman07]

Once a MARINE always a MARINE

On their 50th anniversary, a wife found the negligee she wore on her wedding night and put it on. She went to her husband, a retired MARINE, and asked, “Honey, do you remember this?”

He looked up from his newspaper and said; “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married”

She said, “Yes, that's right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”

He nodded and said “Yes dear, I said; Oh baby, I'm going to suck the life out of those boobs and screw your brains out.”

She giggled and said; “That's exactly what you said. So now it's fifty years later, and I'm in the same negligee. What do you have to say tonight?”

He looked her up and down and said;

“ Mission Accomplished.”

 

[pudge]

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife “Mother of Six” in spite of her objections.

One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, “Shall we go home Mother of Six?”

His wife, irritated by her husbands' lack of discretion shouts back...

“Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!”

 

[jimharri]

A beautiful young woman is about to undergo a minor operation.
She's lying on a trolley in a hospital corridor, awaiting medical attention, when a man in a white coat approaches her, lifts the sheet covering her, and performs a physical examination of her body. He then walks away poker-faced, consults with another man in a white coat, who approaches and performs the same examination.
When a third man approaches, the girl asks, concerned, "is everything okay? When is the operation going to begin?"
"Your guess is as good as mine, lady," the man says, shrugging. "We're just painting the corridor."