Top Tip: if your missus asks is this dress nice,don’t say

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Magicpole, 22 May 2019.

  1. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    It doesn’t fit you.

    Holy fuck, I am now in the broken down hut adjacent to the dog house.

    She said to me the other week, I’ve put on a bit of weight and some of my clothes don’t fit. Usual every year after a winter.

    Asks me, I repeat back what she said and now I’m accused of calling her fat.

    She is going through the menopause early and this as it turned out, wasn’t what she wanted to hear.

    Before I go to the hut, I’m sitting in the garden listening to Mark Radcliffe on 6, with a big glass of wine.

    I think I will sneak in later for something to eat. Too dangerous right now. She’s from Fife. Enough said.

    What a day.

    So if your Mrs asks something similar, lie like fuck, that’s all I’m saying.
     
    Gaudion M likes this.
  2. blueparrot

    blueparrot

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    We know, and think I have since my teenage years howvhave you survived this long and not learnt that simple fact of life.
     
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  3. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    I have absolutely no idea. Must be my natural charm.
     
  4. ChicagoBlue

    ChicagoBlue

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    Rookie mistake!

    How long have you been married?

    Try “That one doesn’t flatter your beautiful figure.” Or, “I like that one, but it doesn’t accentuate your eyes the way some of your other stuff does!”

    Or, if you really want to shovel it, “No way you can wear that, because I’ll spend all night thinking about every which way I want to fuck you in it!” Sounds like you’ve been married long enough that you’d get credit for the compliment, but she’d be turned off at the thought of you bending her over in it!

    .....or maybe not, and you have a WIN WIN!!!
     
  5. kippaxwarrior

    kippaxwarrior

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    .[​IMG]
     
  6. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    I always have said. If you want my opinion then I will be honest. So you know I’m not bullshitting. It worked up until recently.
     
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  7. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    Where did you get my photo?
     
  8. kippaxwarrior

    kippaxwarrior

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    It was the Tartan Top which gave you away......
     
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  9. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    I fucking loved that top. For the record, that doesn’t fit me anymore. Do I go mad? No. I comfort eat like any other person.
     
  10. Was looking in a jewellers window somewhere on the Florida Keys years ago and overheard a woman asking her husband about a rather expensive ring.
    " what do you think of this " she says
    " It's nice honey but it'll make you look fat "

    Classic reply I thought and just nodded to him in approval. We both knew.......
     

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