Wedding speech

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by worsleyweb, 30 May 2017.

  1. worsleyweb

    worsleyweb

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    Jason Miraz - I wont give up on us.
     
  2. manctheknife

    manctheknife

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    I see.

    Anyway, wish you nothing but the best mate. Have a great day and a fantastic life together. Slainte.
     
  3. aguero93:20

    aguero93:20

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    Try and chat up her +1 for the laugh.
     
  4. worsleyweb

    worsleyweb

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    Think of Pat Butcher
     
  5. aguero93:20

    aguero93:20

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    So what? You don't have to go through with it.
     
  6. york away to this!

    york away to this!

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    I wanted "second time around" by the Damned as the "back up the central passage" wander, though the beautiful Mrs This! wouldn't have it.
     
  7. Magicpole

    Magicpole

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    I would go with something like this.

    Ladies and gentleman you can tell if you look closely that my hands are absolutely shaking. (Pause for encouragement)

    I think there is no better time to tell my new wife, ( look at her) it's not just fruit juice in that bottle all day, I am a chronic alcoholic, livers gone.

    It all started with that first bitch I married. Not much to look at, but what a ride. Her problem was, she was never happy unless she was putting me down. I started drinking heavily and having blackouts. Would find myself in skips, upside down in hedgerows without shoes. No Friday night would be complete without a fight outside a kebab shop.

    I decided to leave her. I cleaned out the bank account, put in all the windows and set fire to her car.

    I was at court from carrying out these acts, offences apparently, that I met that psycho bitch from Hull, she was up on possession and solicitation charges and we hit it off.

    I then slid into a seedy world of drugs, pimping and benefit fraud. Luckily she died in an abortive post office hold up that went wrong and the cops thinking her toy bazooka was real, opened fire and took her fucking head off. I was free.

    I tried to get myself together and restricted my pimping and drug pushing to weekends. preferring to spend the weekdays in a constant alcoholic stuper.

    That is until I met this one.

    She gave me a reason to cut down to two bottles of gin a day and no smack. I still roam the red light district, but prefer a shag that doesn't require a course of antibiotics so, insert name' ticks all the boxes.

    I'm the luckiest man alive. I'm sorry I waited to tell you my issues, but in a marriage there should be no secrets and in that vein, I want to admit that I fucked your sister last night, but I was that drunk, I didn't even cum.

    Or was it that I loved you too much?

    Ladies and and gentleman can you stand and toast my third time lucky bride. Eh, Rosey,......fuck wait, Helen.

    To Helen!
     
    Last edited: 31 May 2017
  8. mayo31

    mayo31

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    It's a doddle.

    My speech was top as were the two I have done as a best man

    Relax. Be yourself. Add the thank you parts and it cannot go wrong.

    Remember to thank the most important people - the bar staff
     
  9. york away to this!

    york away to this!

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    where are the BM invites?
     
  10. peoffrey

    peoffrey

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    Taking on someone else's children can be awkward but I've several friends closer to their stepdads than their own fathers.
     

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