I've had enough time to reflect on this question now... I technically have nothing through choice, I have everything I want/need. I really don't conform to society, because I was unhappy when I did. I'm always going to be unhappy, because I always want better, always want more, always get what I want, but it's never enough, so I'm chasing something which resembles a carrot, to impress people. So I took the people out of the equation (and yes I'm a heartless/ruthless ****).
I feel almost liberated, nobody to judge me, nobody to answer to. I don't think like "normal" people, I've known I'm not normal for a long time. I struggle with mental stimulation and don't tolerate idiots.
I'm not happy doing what I'm doing now, I can deal with an escort every night whilst I figure out what I really want. Before you think I'm a sad old ****, 20% of them don't leave and stay unpaid (not so much living in the shithole I'm in now, but when I lived in Beetham).
Until I figure out what I want out of life, I have no aim or expectations. You called it a waste? I call not doing what I want a waste, I certainly won't listen to people in lifeless marriages, taking their children on holidays they don't want to be on, getting no or boring sex, bored as fuck (that's not aimed at you)... influence me.
I'll get where I want to be, but it won't be because of money.
I rolled out the casino in Leeds at 9am 2 weeks ago, then took £10k out the bank, they wouldn't let me back in the casino, so I gave £3k to random homeless people and spent £2k on escorts after to the bender I went on.
I'd lost £8.6k in the casino.
Half of Leeds was probably wired that Monday night.
I don't give a fuck and regret nothing.
I'm 37, divorced and have a 5 year old my ex gives me access to 3.5 hours a fortnight (scouser *spits*).
She needs to start getting worried about me if she carries on, but that's another story which I'm not going to implicate myself on.