1) Book the goalkeeper for unsporting behaviour. Send Ferguson into the stands, even though he's at a different match, and order him to shoot his own left testicle off.
2) Blow the whistle and sack the person in charge of watch precurement. Sidle off the pitch as if you meant to play that much extra time and point at Ferguson for the cameras.
3) Piss myself laughing and shout "life's full of disappointments"