Zero Hours Police Officers

[rushts]

Ahh vigilante's and have a go hero's, I must get in the loft and dust off my cape.

 

[KenTheLandlord]

If in doubt always use this joke as handy guide as to what to do.

A bloke was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. The bloke opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said no. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.

The bloke said "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again. "Hello. I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now cause I've just shot them all." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up at the bloke's house. The police caught the burglars red-handed. One of the policemen said to the bloke: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

The bloke said, "I thought you said there was nobody available."

 

[RandomJ]

This is Dave's true legacy as PM. Vital services budgets cut so they are hugely under staffed meaning they are unable to perform their job correctly. Next thing will be asking Taxi drivers to act as ambulances and garderners to act as fire fighters.

 

[Dave Ewing's Back 'eader]

A seemingly unannounced scheme by the police, getting you to solve your own cases.

Report on police: Victims 'asked to investigate crime themselves'

Victims of crime are being "encouraged" to investigate offences themselves, an inspection of police forces in England and Wales has found.

HM Inspectorate of Constabulary said criminal damage and car crime were "on the verge of being decriminalised" because forces had "almost given up".

In some cases victims were asked to check for CCTV or fingerprints.

The Association of Chief Police Officers said austerity meant forces had to set priorities.

'Material concern'

Roger Baker: "Nineteen forces couldn't even tell us what crimes they attended or didn't"

The review also found that police community support officers were being used as "detectives" in some forces.

The inspector who led the review, Roger Baker, said: "It's more a mindset, that we no longer deal with these things. And effectively what's happened is a number of crimes are on the verge of being decriminalised."

He added: "So it's not the fault of the individual staff; it's a mindset thing that's crept in to policing to say 'we've almost given up'."


This is a devastating report for the police because it appears to confirm what many of us have experienced over the years - that there are some crimes police simply don't attempt to investigate.

The report's authors aren't saying officers should be sent to every report of a stolen car stereo or broken window (though six forces do). They accept some cases take priority and others don't require police to attend.

But they're deeply concerned about a drift towards ignoring vast categories of offences which, if tackled, could lead to the identification of the perpetrators, with money and time saved later on.

The use of police community support officers as detectives and the encouragement of householders to do their own CID work, as a substitute for proper investigation, might lead some to conclude that this is all about budget cuts.

But those who compiled the review say these trends set in some years before that.

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Victims of high-volume offences such as vehicle crime and "burglaries of properties other than dwellings" were asked questions by call-handlers to assess the likelihood of the crime being solved, inspectors found.

HMIC said that in some forces, if they did not know the answers to those questions, they were "asked to speak to neighbours, check for CCTV or view second-hand sales websites to see if their stolen property is being advertised for sale".

Prioritising calls
The watchdog added: "HMIC finds this expectation by these forces that the victim should investigate his own crime both surprising and a matter of material concern.

"The police have been given powers and resources to investigate crime by the public, and there should be no expectation on the part of the police that an inversion of that responsibility is acceptable."

The report also found:

People received a different response from the police for the same kind of incident, depending on where they lived
Attendance rates at crime scenes varied from 39% in Warwickshire to 100% in Cleveland
About a third of forces were failing to identify vulnerable and repeat victims
There was "inadequate" use of technology by the police
Some forces were losing track of named suspects because they did not have effective systems in place
HMIC made 40 recommendations for forces to improve their performance.

Sir Hugh Orde, the president of the Association of Chief Police Officers (Acpo), said: "The reality of austerity in policing means that forces must ensure that their officers' time is put to best use and this means prioritising calls."

In some cases this meant a victim who was not in danger would be dealt with over the phone, he said, adding that this was "not an abdication of forces' duty of care to victims."

The Metropolitan Police said it had a "clear policy where officers will attend all reports of crimes and incidents where a victim wishes".

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"Yes officer, I've investigated myself and I've definitely paid all my taxes".

I've investigated the murder of my thieving next-door neighbour and it wasn't me wot done it! Case closed and swept under the carpet. Er, solved and filed.