Joke thread

[meltonblue]

As I regained consciousness in hospital from last night's car crash, the doctors were trying to convince me I'm actually a Swedish bloke who has forgotten his identity...

But I wasn't Bjorn yesterday...

 

[meltonblue]

The wife said “if you’re bored why don’t you make a bird table?”

Now she’s kicking off because I put her in fifth place...

 

[Bill Walker]

Believe one of the pyramids in Egypt let you drive in in your car

A sign outside it says
Toot an come in

 

[RadcliffeRick]

 

[Bill Walker]

I thought my new girlfriend might be 'the one' but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a french maid's outfit and a policewoman's uniform I've dumped her.

She obviously can't hold down a job.

 

[Bill Walker]

I'm starting to be careful about drink driving now Christmas isn't far away.

In fact last night l left my car at the pub and took the bus home.

I'm quite proud of myself, I’d never driven a bus before.

 

[sir baconface]

I thought my new girlfriend might be 'the one' but after looking through her knicker drawer and finding a nurse's outfit, a french maid's outfit and a policewoman's uniform I've dumped her.

She obviously can't hold down a job.

I was even more worried when I looked through my GF’s knicker drawer and found labels saying “Next”.

 

[Dicko69]

I was even more worried when I looked through my GF’s knicker drawer and found labels saying “Next”.

My mrs' has C&A, so she puts them on the right way

 

[yeseye]

 

[Alan Harper's Tash]

What did Yoda say when he saw himself in 4K?

HDMI