Roger's Profanisaurus

[Feed-The-Goat]

This is my night fucked now.

hands like cows' tits sim. Descriptive of one who is dextrously inept. An alternative to butterfingers. 'I'm terribly sorry, Mrs. Johnson, but I accidentally cut through a major blood vessel near your husband's heart and he didn't survive the surgery. I'm afraid I was on the pop last night and I've got hands like cows' tits this morning. The nurse will show you out. Good day.'

sniggerette n. A tab containing a quantity of happy baccy. A spliff.

happy paper n. Beer tokens, folding money.

 

[ali benarbia's studs]

air onion a fart that makes the eyes water

<a class="postlink" href="http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;">http://www.viz.co.uk/profanisaurus.html</a>

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

ringmaster's dog n. A sexually experimental and enthusiastic lady who shocks even the most seasoned lover with her willingness to perform strange and exotic acts, ie. one who knows more tricks than a ringmaster's dog.

 

[paphos-mcfc]

Elvis's Leg The onset of the vinegar strokes whilst fucking upright in a doorway or bus shelter. Often accompanied by an 'uh-huh' vocalisation and involuntary curling of the lip.

Hendrix on the high notes Descriptive of the facial contortions of a gentleman on the final throes of coitus, reminiscent of the late plank-spanker in full axe frenzy. the vinegar strokes.

Ena Sharples Mouth A disapproving, puckered rusty bullet hole. Commonly seen on grumblemag models bending over a snooker table. Also Dot Cottons Mouth.

Gaseous Clay A bowel movement in which the sufferer passes flatulence assisted stools which look like something from a school pottery lesson and which, upon hitting the pan, 'float like a butterfly'. However because of there high exit velocity, they also 'sting like a bee'

Inman's twitch The brisk,Staccato, buttock clenched walk to the toilet when one is attempting to prevent turtle egress. From the gait adopted by late 70's sitcom actor John Inman,

Penile dementia The effect a panhandle has on it's owner in the company of a hornbag, causing him to temporarily forget about his wife and children.

Ken Dodd's hairbrush A particular unkempt lady's clunge. From the fact that the erstwhile dentally-challenged taxophobe gag smith's hairbrush probably looks like a scraggy twat, with all the bits of unusually -coloured hair stuck out of the sides. Terry Waite's allotment.

Millennium Falcon Epithet used when referring to a dodgy bird which your mate has been smashing. From the Star Wars film dialogue referring to Han Solo's spaceship; 'You came in that thing? Wow, you're braver than I thought'

 

[Blue Maverick]

Fucking brilliant keep them coming I'm in tears at work here.

 

[gaudinho's stolen car]

bullshit 1. n. Feeshus of male cattle. 2. n. Rubbish, nonsense, bollocks. 3. v. To lie, deliberately mislead, talk rubbish to. 'Don't you bullshit me now, you hear, woman, or I'll cut yo' jive-ass face wide open.' (Sir Neville Chamberlain to his wife, after she informed him that Hitler had invaded Poland).

 

[BimboBob]

FOOL EVERYONE into thinking you have just eaten an apple by rubbing your tummy and saying loudly “Mmm! That was a lovely apple.”

 

[paphos-mcfc]

Orangina 1. Refreshing continental citrus beverage made with orange peices. 2. A particularly untidy ginger clopper, which wouldn't look out of place between the legs of Clint Eastwood's monkey's missus.


Hitler wank An act of self pollution performed in the shower with the left arm firmly lodged against the cubicle to prevent the loss of balance.

Fagnet A man who, when out clubbing, only manages to attract botters

 

[BimboBob]

HUSBANDS. Get your wife to swallow your spunk by simply wanking into the milk before making her a cup of tea.

 

[paphos-mcfc]

Tescosexual A man whose incidence of sexual activity peaks during his wife's trip to the shops.

Bolton alarm clock the convoy of police cars, ambulances and fire engines which charges through the streets of the delightful Lancashire resort at precisely 9.05 each morning.

Beer sniper An invisible marksman who silently "takes out" drunkards causing them to unexpectedly collapse in the street,fall off bar stools etc..

Beer Monkey a mythical simian creature which, during a drunken slumber, sneaks into your bed, ruffles your hair, steals your money and shits in your gob.