"Dear Kate Harding,
Apologies for the unusual approach, however given your role of Trade Communications Manager at Cadbury I thought I ought to give you some communications relating to your trade in order for you to manage.
As you will undoubtedly have heard my beloved football club Manchester City have been going through a renaissance of late, thanks to the backing and the considerable finance of our new owners. Over the last 12 months, there have been root and branch reviews of all aspects of the our football club, with the aim of addressing years of under performance both on and off the pitch.
New players have been signed, training facilities overhauled, new websites launched, new kits designed all with the goal of making a bold statement that we will settle for nothing less than long-term success. As Cadburys well know, when planning for long-term success it is important to ensure that no stone is left unturned in the pursuit of perfection.
I saw this philosophy in action recently Kate when I spotted your press release regarding the introduction of the new 'fun'' character Betty Bassett into your relaunched red liquorice allsorts. The liquorice world has been one of the last bastions of male domination for too long and I applaud your efforts to redress that balance.
I would however urge caution. Our new pie purveyors found out that 'adding a little' something can have unintended consequences when they misjudged the addition of Sultanas into our Chicken Balti pies. They were quickly forced to back pedal. We will not stand for tardiness Kate, it will not get us to where we want to be. So whilst we wholeheartedly embrace the introduction of Betty Bassett into our pre-match allsorts, I'd like you to investigate a problem which has been raised by a number of our brethren.
It appears there has been an alarming decline in the number of Bertie Bassets found in your average packet of liquorice allsorts. That might not seem like a serious situation Kate but when you work all week in order to pay for a day out at the football it's the little details that make the day. Over the summer, we reluctantly said goodbye to Bertie Glauber our talismanic Brazilian squad member. I sincerely hope that we have not said goodbye to Bertie Bassett.
Maybe there is a perfectly simple explanation like a problem in your production facility or a rogue batch of Bertiless allsorts, perhaps you would like to investigate and let me know.
In the meantime, I have asked all fellow City fans to be vigilant this weekend and to conduct a Bertie Census at this weekends first home game of the season against Wolves. I will gather the results of that census and let you know the outcome so that we can assess the gravity of the situation.
Regards
Didsberry Blue
Self-appointed Consumer Representative - Manchester City"
