Childhood discipline

"Spare the rod, ruin the child," was very much the advice given to parents in the USA when I grew up, now 60 years old.

60 years on - the physical punishment philosophy is now recognized as bullshit and childhood beatings may actually land you in jail.

Unfortunately my mother and father both embraced physical punishment - and to be honest, it scars me still.
 
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I was brought up perfectly by both my mum and dad. RIP.
Never smacked my own kids.
But my son had his first child last year and both his wife and him won't allow him to cry not even for a few seconds.
There life is crazy.
Won't go in car baby doesn't like it.
Total silence at home if he's sleeping.
Breastfeeding fed every 2 hrs throughout the night.
Their building a rod for there own backs.
And won't change dispite all the family trying to advise them.
 
Barcon said:
Seems like an odd thing to beat a kid over.
I could understand a smack for nicking a car, setting fire to Bluebell woods or smashing the windows at Marlborough mill.
Just some random acts.
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Ah, Marlborough mill. Got turned into a Whelan's supermarket iirc
 
roy.or.r said:
Today I was talking to my mum and for some reason, I got really upset at her because my childhood memories of her not giving me choices to do what I wanted resurfaced. I wanted to do something else for my career but was forced into my current career which I never wanted. She also used to beat me a lot when I would forget study lessons or homework as a kid.

I wonder how common this is in the UK? I sometimes feel like she shouldn’t have given me all those beatings but my parents did spend on my education so maybe I am wrong to be holding this grudge even after 30 years.
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Did they force you into working in a ladyboy nightclub when you really wanted to be Sean Dyche?
 
I got some absolute leatherings off both parents as a kid (last one being aged 16 from my dad).

Also had a few cracks off teachers at primary school and had the “strap” a few times too.

Never did me any long term harm. I’m a well rounded adult, did really well academically, with a good job, and am a good father myself.
 
Paladin said:
Mate, you have to put these experiences behind you. I'm sure your parents acted in your best interests when you were young. Love them and appreciate them while they are still here. Treat those you have authority over with the respect you would have wanted when you were younger. Try to create a legacy of love and kindness for people to remember you by.
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With the greatest respect I think that's a load of bollocks, if my mother had done that I certainly wouldn't be appreciating her later in life

There is absolutely no excuse for hitting a child and it says far more about the person doing the hitting than it does for the child

And as for those who say "it never harmed me" oh it fucking did, because I'm one of those people and left me with huge resentments towards my parents. I have absolutely no relationship with them.
 
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N1985 said:
With the greatest respect I think that's a load of bollocks, if my mother had done that I certainly wouldn't be appreciating her later in life

There is absolutely no excuse for hitting a child and it says far more about the person doing the hitting than it does for the child

And as for those who say "it never harmed me" oh it fucking did, because I'm one of those people and left me with house resentments towards my parents. I have absolutely no relationship with them.
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Never did me any harm mate.

My love and respect for my parents is still enormous to this day. Both amazing people.
 
WT86 said:
There are plenty of parents who support their kids' education without kicking the shit out of them. Now that I have a young child myself I have even less respect for parents who act that way.
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Yup. Our two are long gone but we see them regularly and are on very good terms with them. We never hit or bullied them, just patiently explained stuff. They turned out well adjusted decent adults. This week Mrs KS is at our son’s house looking after his three while he and partner have a week in Lazarote at his boss’s expense. Ok for some. I’m at home looking after the cat, replacing the dead fridge, and having blood tests.
PS My dad bullied me both psychologically and physically, so,it is possible to break the cycle. I had no relationship with him as an adult.
 
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The only thing I'll say re ongoing "bad blood" between people and their parent(s) is, try to get it sorted (if at all possible) while you still have them. It's too late when they're gone.



And yes; it is easy for me to say. Though not as easy as you may think. And I'll say no more.
 
Fred_Quimby said:
How do you instill a sense of discipline in children who are not old enough to understand? I am 75 now and it was common then to smack children when they misbehaved - parents didn't have to do it often because just the threat was often enough. We did the same with our children. Both my brother and sisters don't appear to be mentally damaged because of it and the same for our children. Our children have gone down the route of non smacking and our grandchildren have been a real pain to them. So how do you go down the non smacking route and instill good behaviour? Incidentally, all our grandchildren are wonderfully behaved at school, with other people etc.

Before anyone jumps in - yes I know some parents overdid/do the smacking bit.
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The trick is taking the time to explain things patiently. Even very young kids understand— your dog does and your kids are more intelligent than your dog. It takes time but it pays off very quickly and saves so much angst later on. Bad behaviour is often that they don’t realize the effect it has on others, you have to make them aware.
 
Franny 1234 said:
I was brought up perfectly by both my mum and dad. RIP.
Never smacked my own kids.
But my son had his first child last year and both his wife and him won't allow him to cry not even for a few seconds.
There life is crazy.
Won't go in car baby doesn't like it.
Total silence at home if he's sleeping.
Breastfeeding fed every 2 hrs throughout the night.
Their building a rod for there own backs.
And won't change dispite all the family trying to advise them.
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Madness.
 
roy.or.r said:
Today I was talking to my mum and for some reason, I got really upset at her because my childhood memories of her not giving me choices to do what I wanted resurfaced. I wanted to do something else for my career but was forced into my current career which I never wanted. She also used to beat me a lot when I would forget study lessons or homework as a kid.

I wonder how common this is in the UK? I sometimes feel like she shouldn’t have given me all those beatings but my parents did spend on my education so maybe I am wrong to be holding this grudge even after 30 years.
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I got some leatherings by my mum, probably between ages six and ten and if I vaguely remember, I definitely deserved them doing some stupid childish things that went out of hands. I do remember my father suffered as well, because I would have tried to hide behind him and my mum would just go full force at both of us like City 2017-2019. It would always end with laughter.
When my mum passed away, I was working in the USA and on the flight back from the funeral, it was like 9 hours of trying to suppress tears. The whole flight I was just thinking what an asshole I was to never have been able to return even 5% of love the way she loved me.
Mothers are mothers unless they belong to that group of of 0.1% damaged psychopaths. She was probably doing in her on way what she thought was the best four you. Holding grudges can only lead you onto some path you do not want to thread on.
 
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