<Apple Store>
"Good morning sir. How may I help you?"
"I'm returning this phone; the Faecal recognition doesn't work."
"Excuse me, don't you mean 'Facial'?"
"Oh! Erm... have you got a cloth?"
I've often thought Pep's footballing philosophy was like that of the 1970 Brazil team (still the greatest international team in my book). They might let in the odd goal at the back but would score far more at the other end. They would dominate the pace of the game with possession and splaying...
I said to my wife the other day, "You haven't got a bra on, have you?".
"How can you tell? Is it because my nipples are sticking out?", she asked.
"No, all the wrinkles in your face have disappeared".
The Magnificent Seven appeared in a series of adverts for an aftershave.
It was filmed at Liverpool's Anfield football ground.
Only six of them took part, because Yul never wore cologne.
Italian Police, who are hunting a robber who stole a rare biography of Stradivarius, have warned the public not to approach the man as he has a history of violins.
The first of this 2-parter was on BBC1 tonight. Strangely it was made by ITV for the BBC.
There was something nagging me about it for the first half hour then I twigged it.
Craig, the live-in boyfriend of the mother of Shannon (the girl hidden by an uncle) was truly gormless. He wasn't...
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